You have fought a good fight. A part of me still thinks there is some fight left in you but at some point don't we want someone to fight for us?
There is some fight left in me, but I was not going to stand back and tolerate H being with OW any longer and that is why he proceeded with the D. It was my request. At this point, I either want to be divorced or moving forward with working on the marriage. H being and living with OW is not an option for me...I've tolerated that way too long already. It's either going to be OW or me. I don't care if he has to live in a cardboard box...things need to change or we will be divorced on 8/28. If this marriage is going to be saved, I need H to fight for me...that's the only way it will work. I've been fighting for him for 9 months and you can see where it got me...nowhere. In his heart, he knows that I will still give him a chance. He's got two weeks to decide.
I think that I need to respond to the email. How about this... "I got your email. Since you didn't want me to say anything, I won't. If you want to talk or get together, give me a call."
Is this a bad idea? Should I leave well enough alone? I am a helper and I have a really hard time just sitting back when I feel that he is screaming for help. Even with as bad as I have been hurt, I have a really hard time saying to hell with you.
I can understand wanting to be there for your H if he really is reaching out to you for help. If you do, do it with no expectations. I hate to see you get hurt again, then again I know you are strong enough and will be able to move on if he does hurt you.
You never know this might be him trying to open the coffin to your M before it closes forever or he might just be putting another nail into it.
I have never posted to you but have been following your sitch all along.
My H and I almost filed too. Somehow he overcame the pride thing before it got to far.
Are you sure your H even knows you would be willing to try one more time? I see your pride starting to get in the way too...
My H was so screwed up that he thought D was the only way out - he did not know how to come back to me and our kids. I told him that for once he needed to put his neck out on the line to take a risk for us and our marriage. I was no longer a sure thing for him but at least he could say in the end that he had really tried to help keep us together - up until this point I had been doing ALL the work too. He first needed to end it COMPLETELY with OW (NO CONTACT AT ALL)!!!!! He agreed and we are going strong for 6 weeks now. August 9th was the one yr he told me he wanted to D.
Can you put the D on hold - even temporarily?? I see how much you love him and being another LBS I get what you are saying about wanting to be chased, pursued and convinced to take him back unfortunately I think that rarely happens or it doesn't happen at first recociliation. My H says he needs to work at his feelings for me and he does have them but he also had real ones for his OW - even as screwed up as he was he still had feelings. Sometimes it still hurts to think he was going to throw his whole life away for her - and I have never had him feel this way about me in the 21 yrs I have known him. But I am willing to give up some of my feelings in order to have a new 'us' back'
Make sure you are being truthful with yourself - I would hate to see you divorce and then hook back up (10% of D's)...
I think your H is trying to reach out to you at some level - don't let your pride or skeptism kill it so quickly.
I hope I have not offended you - just my thoughts!
HB
Last edited by Heartbroken; 08/15/0704:40 PM.
Me41 H44 * M16 yrs * D13 S10 8/06 H wants a D * 1/07 OW Truth 2/07 Searated * 7/07 H moved home First Thread Surviving Separation Now Piecing
Please don't get your hopes up but......Don't close the door. I think you e-mailing him back sound fine. You both seem to recognize that HE needs to be the one to fix him but that does not mean you can't help him. I think for your own good you need to try this one last time because if not you will always have this "What IF" hanging over your head.
Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Are you sure your H even knows you would be willing to try one more time? I see your pride starting to get in the way too...
I am pretty sure he knows. He knows me and can read me like a book. He heard me crying on the phone last night when he told me about the court date. I think it is me protecting myself that is getting in the way of saying to H...I will try one more time...not pride.
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Can you put the D on hold - even temporarily??
I cannot hold up the D. I signed all the forms including a waiver...I actually do not even have to go to court, so I can't hold it up, only he can.
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I see how much you love him and being another LBS I get what you are saying about wanting to be chased, pursued and convinced to take him back unfortunately I think that rarely happens or it doesn't happen at first recociliation.
I still do love him. We have attempted to reconcile one time before, but OW sunk her claws back in. Until he is ready to get away from her completely, there is absolutely no hope for us. He has to make the decision if OW is more important than attempting to save his marriage. It's down to the wire and only he knows what he can do. I've given up on convincing him of anything. He sees me for who I really am. He sees the great woman that he married be put through hell and come out better on the other side. It seems sort of strange that he would send the email to me given that I have been hurt more than anyone else. I guess in his heart he knows that I am the one person that he can count on to be there for him...I tolerate everything much better than his own family does...too many similarities I guess. Out of all of his family (10 siblings) he goes to his STBXW...I guess he does realize what we had.
I had to respond to him for myself. Here's the email... "I got your email. I feel like the only thing I can do right now is offer you the chance to talk, vent, or get together one last time before this is all said and done. Give me a call if you want."
Thanks Husband and Scott. I agree that I have done all I can. He opened the door...I responded...but the ball's in his court. He's the only one that can hold the D up because I waived all my rights.
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What are your plans for the next few days, two weeks, next month?
I am going out with some friends tonight to a martini bar. I'm going out on Friday with my co-workers for a happy hour to celebrate our exam passing. Looks like all my plans involve drinking...I guess that is what happens when your H is crazy. Would you believe that I never really drank before this all went down? Now, I drink socially....another 180 for me. I have probably had more drinks in the last 9 months than I have in the last 9 years. Other than that I don't really have any plans. I am going to stay strong, but I really do hope that H contacts me to get together this weekend to have a true heart to heart. I don't think we've had one of those yet. I would like to see him pour his guts out to me, but I know that probably won't happen. I am in a much stronger state than him, and I still would really like to help him. My goal right now is to make it through the next two weeks without too many tears. On the 29th, I will be celebrating my divorce and going out on my first date...just kidding, but that probably isn't too far around the corner for me.
