CVA - Angels vs. Devils

[Not Much Left]

Nomo

Just typed this fabulous response to the intimidating Nomo comment and lost it, crap.

Anyway, You rock. You are a compassionate but yes, intense guy no matter how many smiley faces you plop in here

You are like my surgeon, he is a Harvard grad, walks in and says "OK, what's up, got it, you are screwed, but I can fix it!" DONE.

You are like many of the best lawyers I have ever worked with, people skills with an intensity that you need and want as someone in your field. I have not seen you in action but I think I am a pretty good judge of character in the professional world anyway. You are the kind of guy I would want representing me on a deal.

All this to say, hey, as that guy, who was not a competitive tennis player for no reason, can be intimidating to that sweet 5' something woman you married, regardless of how you feel inside.

That is how the outside world probably sees you, not to say it is bad, just be aware. This is something I have had a problem with, not knowing I may be intimidating, who me??? little old CVA?

[savingus77]

Wow CVA - alot of stuffing going on for you in the last 24hrs or so since I last checked. You have already received so much great feedback here already so I am not sure what else I can add... But:

About being a clingon - don't beat yourself up about this - it is a natural feeling to have in going through this process. You should feel proud of yourself for recognizing this, how it is affecting you and taking steps to improve it.

I also wouldn't read too much into the "i don't know" - I do think there are sometimes where the WAS truly doens't know and they are concerned about how we/you might interpret their responses. For instance if she were just to say "yes, I think we should go to the C together" - she would probably be thinking that she is giving you the signal that she has decided she wants to work on the marriage when she is probably not there yet. I know I have this problem with my H, sometimes I'll ask him something simple like "I'm going to the supermarket, do you want to come or do you want me to get anything for you?" And I'll get an "I don't know" followed by 5-10 minutes of thought/silence.

Confidence is also KEY! I find that for myself, the more I do things for myself & socialize with new people the more confident I become and the more I realize how much I have to offer. Confidence is one of the most attractive things about it person, it's that lure, you need to make sure you show that to her.

I am also going to give you a little pep talk here:

You have given up so much of your own time on these boards to help other people with their R issues and to offer them your thoughts, support & advice. That means that you are a very caring and giving person.
You have a sense of humor throughout all of your threads and have made people LOL & :). That means that you have a great personality.
You had mentioned how your wife was hot & that you felt you were living above your station. But then you also mentioned that your other ex was also hot - so it doesn't seem to be a fluke. That means that you probably just don't realize how attractive you really are (which also can be very attractive!).
You have been very open and acknowledging of your feelings and your flaws. Which means that you are self-reflective and interested in personal growth.

Think about all of these things next time you talk with your W and truly believe them! In time, she will see what she is missing...

[Not Much Left]

About being a clingon - don't beat yourself up about this - it is a natural feeling to have in going through this process. You should feel proud of yourself for recognizing this, how it is affecting you and taking steps to improve it.

Doing my best to feel proud of what I am doing.

I also wouldn't read too much into the "i don't know" - I do think there are sometimes where the WAS truly doens't know and they are concerned about how we/you might interpret their responses. For instance if she were just to say "yes, I think we should go to the C together" - she would probably be thinking that she is giving you the signal that she has decided she wants to work on the marriage when she is probably not there yet. I know I have this problem with my H, sometimes I'll ask him something simple like "I'm going to the supermarket, do you want to come or do you want me to get anything for you?" And I'll get an "I don't know" followed by 5-10 minutes of thought/silence.

I know you are right, silence always makes me squirm. Like just now, she called to tell me where she was on the road (dont get too excited, I requested a call to know she / kids were ok) and pretty much got, Fine, Fine, OK, No, Yes, Silence. Ahhhhhh! Patience...

Confidence is also KEY! I find that for myself, the more I do things for myself & socialize with new people the more confident I become and the more I realize how much I have to offer. Confidence is one of the most attractive things about it person, it's that lure, you need to make sure you show that to her.

Getting more confident every day. Still too scared for my own personal taste. You are right though, it is and always will be an attraction to the opposite sex.

I am also going to give you a little pep talk here:

You have given up so much of your own time on these boards to help other people with their R issues and to offer them your thoughts, support & advice. That means that you are a very caring and giving person.
You have a sense of humor throughout all of your threads and have made people LOL & :). That means that you have a great personality.
You had mentioned how your wife was hot & that you felt you were living above your station. But then you also mentioned that your other ex was also hot - so it doesn't seem to be a fluke. That means that you probably just don't realize how attractive you really are (which also can be very attractive!).
You have been very open and acknowledging of your feelings and your flaws. Which means that you are self-reflective and interested in personal growth.

Uhhhhh, uhhh, uh, THANKS! I am just Mr. Sensitive!

Think about all of these things next time you talk with your W and truly believe them! In time, she will see what she is missing...

I will think about it, I need to! I hope she can see it, I am starting to, just gotta not show that I want her to want me!
Cheap Trick!

[Handful of Rain]

CVA, left you a message over at my post, Take care.

[Gone Dancin']

Sounds like you're doing so good self-reflection and are learning more about yourself and how you are perceived by the world around you. Perception is reality, right? Fantastic job, CVA! Keep those changes up and keep staying aware of you and your impact on those around you.

GD

[Handful of Rain]

CVA, did I make the right choice? Is no contact only if she attends C, the way to go? I am having second thoughts about it, I just don't know what to do? Any help?

[Not Much Left]

Rain
Responded to you on your thread. I thought you might have a second thought. 48 hour rule. Believe me, it always looks different even just a few hours after any decision or event.

Even on my tirade, it lasted about 24 hrs. If I would take my own advice....

[Not Much Left]

GD
Thanks for checkin in. How are you doing my friend?