Mixed signals - catfan's continual saga part???

[Dom R]

She feels I hold the agreement over her head and she can't be comfortable until we have it settled. She said she feels I use it to control her and try to manipulate her.

SUCKER!!!

she is using it to manipulate you

But she's such a pro at manupulating you, she's claiming that you are the one manipulating her. So she gets to manipulate you into doing what she wants (doing the separation agreement) AND make you feel guilty about it, rather than recognizing that's what she wants to happen.

Now the biggest thing of all, we have decided to see a counselor together with the goal that this person help us navigate the healing process to be friends again. Only once we are there can we begin to consider reconciliation.

I dont think she was ready for this. i think she only said this, to give the appearance of being willing to work on things, so you would move forward on the separation agreement.

Proof: If someone is sincere about doing counselling, ,and "trying to be friends".. they dont need a separation agreement.
My guess is that she'll try anything (for a short time at least) to get you to sign a more favourable agreement.
Been there, done that, unfortunately.

I think you made a huge mistake in diving back into the R talk. I hope i'm wrong: it's entirely possible. but given the similar ways your wife, and mine, seem to react and manipulate.... I have a bad feeling i'm not.

Or even if I'm right.. i hope that the counsellor might convince her to change her mind.

Best wishes, and may God bless your efforts.



Oh, ps:

What's happened is he's an old friend who likes to chit chat and this friendship is making her feel good because it has zero expectations.

This is the "plausible deniability" excuse. Do NOT believe it.
Women who have affairs, keep claiming "he's just a friend" right up to, and sometimes even past, the time they hop into bed with one another. They may even convince themselves it's true. but it isnt. You Do have reason to be worried about it.


hint: if they talk to each other every day, its at minimum an EA, even if your wife doesnt recognize it as such.
But if you ask her "how often do you talk to each other? every day?" she'll probably deny it.

As soon as you are officially "separated" though, she'll probably feel free to pursue it more seriously, though, rather than playing fancy mind games with herself about it ("he's just a friend i'm not doing anything wrong")