I need to update

[COG]

AmyC,

How friggin ironic is it that my mother just echoed my father's opinion. She said I need to file.

I guess it is ironic, but it certainly should be no surprise. Your parents both love you, and neither of them wants to see you suffer. The only way they see you pinning your H down to alimony and child support is to file. Then you'll be taken care of financially, at least you'll have a legal contract. Then they'll feel better, more secure that you'll be taken care of. It's their own comfort, and need to know you're safe that motivates them. They're parents, and that's what parents do best.

For the most part I agree with them. My guess is the courts would likely require your H to pay you something. You'd know this better than I. My question is though, is there any other way to get some help from him.

Are you too proud to ask H for help, but not to proud to file?

Will filing take you closer to your goals?

What are your goals right now?

What does your heart tell you to do?

I stayed in my hopeless M for four years, separate, dark, and in pain. W could'nt say she loved me, she gave me not one ounce of hope for our M. And that went on for about four long years. At one point she had even made up her mind to D, and "her heart was at peace with it".

I'm here to say that things change AmyC, people change, miracles DO happen. Last night W and I cuddled before sleep. We both came to tears at how blessed our lives are. Not perfect mind you, but truly blessed. I could not have said that three years ago, quite the opposite. I wanted to be dead, prayed for death to come in the night, almost every night.

There's a purpose and a reason and a season for all things. Embrace your struggle, find the light, stand the tall and fearless. Think in terms of when and how, not then and could have. You are on the cusp of change AmyC. You will not be in this darkness forever, the light will shine on you again for sure, but you have to believe. Faith, courage, stay the course, throw caution to the wind, fear nothing, hate nothing, relish in the life you have, and screw the bill collector's. Stay in the moment, forget the past, let the future handle itself.

Hand over your pride. Put you short skirt on, and go get your man. There are no short cuts, no majic bullets, and not many road signs. It's desire that will fuel your way, faith that will carry you, and courage that will lead your fight.

God Bless you AmyC,

Love,

COG