Trying to set those goals!

[Trixi]

why do I have this vision of him locking his keys on purpose, just so he could have the talk?

I had the same thought. But he would have had to be pretty clever; first he had me look in his truck for the camera-I call back (much later) and say it's not there, did you check the trunk of your car; he calls back (much later) and says "yeah, I found the camera in the trunk- and locked my keys in it. Can you come unlock the car?" If he would have called from jump street with locking his keys in the car, then I might have really wondered.

Did I mention he tried to give me a kiss goodbye (twice) and each time I gave him my cheek? I sorta feel like he wanted to make sure that he hadn't totally peeved me off. That I was still 'in the background' for him if he changed his mind.

This morning, I had this quasi epiphany. I was half asleep, so it might not make sense...
My lightbulb moment was this--he says he wants to feel totally broken up. If he doesn't get to have that feeling, I think he will just keep up the shenanigans until he does feel that way. I understand that letting him think we are *totally* broken up is risky since it will (theoretically) relieve him of guilt if he starts to date someone else. (My hope would be that his conscious would kick in and he would remember that he *is* still married.) That's not my main point. My main point is that he verbally says he wants to feel totally separated, but yet it seems like he is trying to make sure he has a spare tire if he needs/wants one. I don't think he should get to have that feeling. Seems a little cake eaterish, if you ask me. Appears to be more of the same "I can do what I want and I know you will always be there."

I don't plan to be mean or vindictive. And if it relieves him of guilt for me to drop out of his life, so be it. He will never have a chance to really know what it feels like to miss me if he always has me hanging on in the background.

Ala "love must be tough", I think I need to open up the cage door completely, kick his feathery butt out the door and then move the cage. If he wants, he can always come back and see if I'm willing to try. We all know that when someone *really* wants someone, they will stop at practically nothing to get that person. I made things SOOOOO easy, he doesn't appreciate my value. There is nothing that he did not get with me, except for a challenge. And THAT is why he can only say good things about me and that he will ALWAYS love me. But a lot of good that did me. There's no passion and it became "boring" because the hunt wasn't there. A 180 for me would be to cut him off in all ways.

Am I nuts?