Thanks to everyone and their insights! I am almost ready to go back into my H's work which is also my family business! I showed up this week in the day time for one drink. I was going to go at night but I chickened out and my friends and I went to a different karaoke club. Unfortunatly, the rumors about him spread to that bar too and I got an earful about my H having an EA with yet another bar person. So strange this H is sooooo shy supposedly! But in the past he had a weakness for people/ girls who make him laugh. I also heard that he said he hated my guts and my H's friend blamed me for my H's depression and that he needd to find a good woman to understand him. My friends defended me to this gossiping drunk man and said if this "friend" was going to support a divorce he is not a true friend. Ironically, this "friend" was kicked out by his wife for hiding he was bisexual and he used to hit on me all the time. He is also a friend from church. I really wish this was private but I am getting a lot of love and support but mostly comments that my H has just gone loco. Thank You Everybody!
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
mk, it just really does seem like your h has gone loco. glad you have a good support system. it bugs the hell out of me that h blames me for everything, and the idea that his friends would too, would really make me mad. but nothing you can do about that...you know the truth. just keep focusing on that, be the better person, that alone will shine thru.
seriously, your h just sounds desperate...guessing there is something he very much dislikes about himself, that is why he is looking for validation everywhere else.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
True. I keep thinking about what a bad lighthouse I have become. I know the metaphor, that I am meant to stand tall and strong and bright as waves of destruction crash around me. Let me be the tall one. But I think I suck at it. My light is dim and I stoop low to the gossip. My strength is fading and have lost too much trust. Lighthouse, lighthouse, must save this sinking ship!
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
Hits keep coming. The advice my friends used to give me was that my H was having a MLC and it was OK to stand by man. Now they say maybe his OW will dump him. Is that all I am worth, sloppy seconds? I know my H has way to much pride to come back just because she might dump him. I do not know when to throw in the towel. I think this will be very public as he has told me he loves her and that is why he needs the divorce. He needs to be completely devoted to her. I heard that kills affairs but I will not count on that. If he has found true love I shoul be happy for him, but I can't help think it is insanity.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
If he needs the divorce that badly, let him file the paperwork. Keep focusing on you and your children. Make him remember why he married you in the first place, go out with friends, spend time with just you and your kids, and continue to use the "as if" approach. If he still has a heart, he will return.
In regards to the timeframe, that is entirely your call. I get the same questions from the friends I have confided in. Continue to fight and DB until you think it is over... In the end you will have a better understanding of yourself and what is needed to make a relationship work.
Me=29 WAW=25 S=2 "I need a break" = 6/07 Filed = 12/07
