WAW1978's adventures in DB'ing -3

[stewart10]

Hey WAW:

I am just trying to catch up on your situation so I am quoting from a post you made about this past weekend I think and the marital counselling session.

Then we have the MC sesh Saturday AM and he tells the MC that things are really great and “getting back to normal”…well there not. Nothing has really changed. So I have to be the bad guy and state this. Yes, we are getting on better but it’s because we do not have daily interaction so there is little to disagree about. As usual…we both leave MC feeling defeated and sad.

Try and not be too hard on your H when he is in the MC session. He wants beyond anything to have things "get better". Of course he is going to try and tell himself this, even if they are not really better. I find myself doing this as well, when I talk to MIL or friends that know what is going on. I say things are getting better, even though I don't really think that they are. It somehow makes me feel better to say it.

He is still looking for a quick fix. I am still looking at down the road. Right now we just can’t be in a healthy relationship. He is a bully and let him bully me.

This is something that I think you need to remind your H. You can say to him, "yes we are getting along better right now. But things are not going to change overnight or even in a month or two or three. If you want things to get better, you have to stop looking for the quick fix, because it just is not coming. And it is putting pressure on both of us that is completely unnecessary and it is only going to hurt in the long run." What does your MC say about the difference in timetables and each of your expectations? I think he or she should be trying to at least make H understand this.

Until we both make changes its just not going to work.

So true.