I appreciate all your support and kind words over the past few months. This has been a hellish 10 months and you have helped me stay strong.
The same goes for you. You seem like your an awesome woman and I am glad that I can offer you some support. To be honest if it wasn't for you and some of my close friends validating me I think I would have started to believe in the things that spewed out of my W's mouth.
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You have helped restore some of my faith in men and realize that I am a good person who deserves to find happiness again.
Glad I can help. We are not all gutless pigs, there are actually some great guys out there. You will be happy again. Just remember that you are in charge of your happiness, not your XH or some new man. You are a great woman, that alone is enough to be happy with. You will find someone to share your happiness with again.
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Hope needs a great life after this. This is a huge bump, but I will get over it
I like how you refer to yourself in the third person here. I should of said you are almost at the top of your tortuous climb up Everest, but you will forge ahead and make it to the top. Then you will move past it and on with your life.
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Thanks again. Eventually, I guess I will have to move over to the "Surviving the Big D" forum, but I have become so comfortable over here, I don't really want to leave.
I am in the same boat as you. I lurk over in surviving, but, I do not want to make the jump fulltime at this point. I did not want to come over into the world of infidelity, since you and others have made this a comfortable place.
I hope you are feeling better. Tomorrow is a new day for you to conquer.
Stay strong girl, I "HOPE" you don't leave me here.: "Thanks again. Eventually, I guess I will have to move over to the "Surviving the Big D" forum, but I have become so comfortable over here, I don't really want to leave."
You are a needed assett here. Even if things do work out in my sitch I don't see howIcan ever forget all of you.
PLEASE if you decide to switch drop by my thresd and give me your input.
thinking of ya
Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Well, today I received an email from H. It was only a matter of time. I don't know what to do. He sounds like a confused, sad, lonely man. I guess ignore it like he says. Any advice?
"What a mess I've made huh. Why did I let this all get out of hand! Damn pride mostly I think, look where it has gotten me just a big mess I used to think in time we would get back together, but I've lost that I'm in a bigger mess now than ever and don't think that anyone can help even you who knows me best can't help, someday you will see what this letter is all about but even then there isnt anything that anyone can do! It's just something I'll have to deal with and no one can help that's the sh$tty thing, please please please delete this when your done and don't repeat or ask me ????? It won't help. If there was an easy way out or a simple solution, I would do it but for now I'm f$cked !!!!!! I'm sorry for this letter don't mean to cause trouble just don't have anyone to vent to anymore, burnt a few too many bridges!!!!
Feeling Guilty, xxxx"
M:28, D finalized: 8/28/07 Current Thread
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."
As I read the email...I realize this whole thing does appear to be because of his pride...like I have said from day one. He'd rather run than face his own demons. The other thing that concerns me is that he would do something if it was easy or simple. I think I'm worth more than an easy solution. I'm worth roping the moon for...I guess that is why we will be divorced in 2 weeks. What happened to the hard-working man that I married? He would have done anything to hold on to me...this guy just wants it to be easy.
I think you should do as he says, delete the email and do not ask about the meaning behind it. Besides the fact the OW is a immoral b!^@h, there are countless other possibilities about what is causing him to be f$%^ed with her. He needs help. But I think he needs to help himself at this point. I know that you would like to be there for him. But what good would it do for you to get sucked back into the drama and the roller coaster of emotions that it brings? Try as best you can not to dwell on this email or seeing him this weekend, it will only drive you crazy.
Scott, Thanks for the quick response. This email wasn't exactly what I wanted to wake up to today.
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He needs help. But I think he needs to help himself at this point. I know that you would like to be there for him. But what good would it do for you to get sucked back into the drama and the roller coaster of emotions that it brings?
He does need to help himself. He is very mixed up. I would like to be there for him...but I have offered to help him through this multiple times in the past and he just couldn't do it. I know it won't do any good to get sucked back in. The reality is hitting about the D....for me but especially for H. He has been living in la la land for 9 months. This is reality...our marriage will be over in 2 weeks.
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Try as best you can not to dwell on this email or seeing him this weekend, it will only drive you crazy.
Easier said than done. I will do as he asks and not respond. He knows how to get ahold of me if he wants to talk or see each other...I'm not chasing, begging, or pleading. If he really has a change of heart and wants to attempt to fix this marriage, he's going to have to do the hard work. I'm worth a lot and I'm not settling for less. If he really wants to change his life, he's got 2 weeks to do something...otherwise it will all be over.
I think I'm worth more than an easy solution. I'm worth roping the moon for...
Yes, you are worth it.
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What happened to the hard-working man that I married?
I ask myself this same question about my W. I think the OP sucks the life out of them and they do not even know it. At least my W doesn't yet.
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He would have done anything to hold on to me...this guy just wants it to be easy.
Unfortunately, some people when faced with an obstacle look for the easy way out of it. While not knowing the outcome others face them and over come them one way or another. I like seeing people tackle their demons and not running for them, I believe there is a great reward in doing so. It sucks for us that our S's just do not have it in them to take a stand and do what is right.
His text is a strong indication that the court date is a wake up call for some soul searching-FINALLY! Don't count on him actually finding his soul.
If you want you can let him go and fix his own life or screw it up. he sounds a lot like my H, making all the wrong choices to sabotage all good things for some type of control of his life. The alternative for you would be to continue DBing and give him unconditional love and support. Part of me thinks I will still grow old as a grandparent with my H. That is still my Northern Star but I am quickly sailing in the wrong direction when my resentment builds up. I want to say that your post is a glimpse into my future. I know it. I don't want it to happen but I know my H's patterns and as many 180's and As ifs as I have tried I can clearly see him staying with a troubled OW to make him self feel better about his own issues of manhood and aging and MLC and being stuck with responsibilities. I hope to handle my impending D as you have, with a calm loving attitude ready for forgiveness but on a condition of strength. Do not dread that day. Just go zen until it has passed.
Last edited by mkultra; 08/15/0701:57 PM.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
His text is a strong indication that the court date is a wake up call for some soul searching-FINALLY! Don't count on him actually finding his soul.
I've learned to not count on anything. I do believe that the court date might be the first dose of reality that he has dealt with for months. The countdown is ticking...he's got two weeks to do something...otherwise we are done.
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If you want you can let him go and fix his own life or screw it up.
I've accepted this. He is a grown man and he is going to make his own choices...obviously. We don't have kids to worry about and I can't live like this anymore.
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The alternative for you would be to continue DBing and give him unconditional love and support.
This is not an alternative for me anymore. I gave it my all for 9 months now, and I can't do it anymore. I need to move on with my life.
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I hope to handle my impending D as you have, with a calm loving attitude ready for forgiveness but on a condition of strength.
Thank you. I really appreciate your kind words. I offered my H forgiveness and a second chance, but there becomes a time when enough is enough. He has not changed or helped anything during our separation. He would have continued to live like this as long as I would have tolerated it. I'm not keeping a family together....it's just me and I'm tired and done. A lot of H's and my problems stemmed from not being able to get pregnant and that is one problem that is not fixable. He's got two weeks to convince me that he wants to change...if not this marriage will be over...I've done all I can.
You have fought a good fight. A part of me still thinks there is some fight left in you but at some point don't we want someone to fight for us? Don't lose hope. If he does not fight for you someone will, even if it is you. My hopes are the same. I have fought for my H almost my entire life! Ever since I was 14 I have waited for this shy boy to look my way. Now how I wish he would remember who I am and fight for me just once.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
