I think desire is a natural occurence in a relationship but it does have it's ups and downs for us based on all kinds of things. Desire is "based on all kinds of things", in other words, you just made desire CONDITIONAL. THis means you just made meeting your husbands needs CONDITIONAL upon what he does to MERIT the meeting of his needs. I assume then that he ALSO gets to meet your needs CONDITIONALLY, and then you will end up stuck, because he can not meet your needs since you can not meet his. Unless of course you expect that he must meet your needs UNCONDITIONALLY, while you get to meet his conditionally.
You are right! H and I do NOT have a totally UNconditional M. We do meet each others needs according to conditions that we have somehow, probably without even verbalizing, agreed upon through the years. We both have expectations of the other and some unwritten rules, you might say. An example; let's say I have something I want to talk to H about, and I start talking in the middle of a Packer Game, I think H is not going to be very receptive to this convo. I KNOW it is not that he doesn't ever want to talk just that I need to find a better time. Wouldn't this be a "condition" to my QT ? So if I say no sex tonight honey but in the morning, this is a "condition" but it does not mean I am not meeting his needs. Our "conditions" are not based on a childish stance of "you didn't give me what I want so I am not going to give you what you want" Our conditions are, IMHO, an ongoing negotiation according to the circumstances at the time. We both try to meet each others needs & our own through some compromise. Again, why I am here, to get advice on how to keep my desire up to meet his needs. BTW - I would be angry if H tried to talk during a Packer game unless it was a real blow out
Love at first sight is easy to understand; it's when two people have been looking at each other for a lifetime that it becomes a miracle. (Amy Bloom)
