Well time for some updating my thread. It's been a week since my last post. We enjoyed the movie but the conversation afterwards was difficult for both of us. I'm pretty sure she left angry, resentful, bitter and wondering why she was even trying. But things were said that needed to be said.
Since last Wed a lot of water has past under the bridge and a lot of emotions experienced by both of us and it all needed to happen. Because if it didn't then last night couldn't have happened.
Last night we a preplanned time to chat about setting up a regular time for us to have our conversations. We easily settled on Wednesday at lunch. But I had decided it was time to take a major risk and get us moving forward. I decided to talk about a "Healing Process" and how "being friends again" was only part of that process. That our situation was such that we should seek professional assistance in navigating through the process. Also the process will be difficult, we will experience a great deal of pain at times and it is going to be difficult at times but we must get through it to be friends again. Before we even begin to start we have to agree to be completely honest with each other, open minded and hearted. She agreed with all of this and would like to get started.
So I said that the first thing I felt we must do is address the most immediate points that we each have that are challenges to the process. For me it's trust for her it ended up being my anger and my flipflopping of feelings along with the sep agreement. She feels I hold the agreement over her head and she can't be comfortable until we have it settled. She said she feels I use it to control her and try to manipulate her. I guess in some ways I do, I have just not wanted to deal with it. So I will deal with it today.
For me trust, I don't feel like I can trust a word she says or a thing she does. I tried to explain to her how I don't like feeling this way and outlined how things happened that caused me to feel this way. Mainly the possibilities of an EA. She got angry about it all because she feels I am being unreasonable and can't see how the series of events looks even remotely bad. But she settled and we talked. I do believe her know that nothing is going on. What's happened is he's an old friend who likes to chit chat and this friendship is making her feel good because it has zero expectations. They haven't seen each other and really just email and text. She told me about his goings on and such so I feel better about it all.
Now the biggest thing of all, we have decided to see a counselor together with the goal that this person help us navigate the healing process to be friends again. Only once we are there can we begin to consider reconciliation. She's open to reconciliation but "not expecting it" which is understandable. Time is now to use being friends again to change her mind on that point. For me I know we have to be friends again before anything else. Also it may never come to anything else and if that happens it'll hurt like hell but I will know I have grown and learned new skills. I also know I won't be alone for the first time here I will admit to considering dating and have had some excellent prospects. But I decided against it because there's so much at stake, so many lives and hearts involved that I owe it to myself and everyone else to go through hell and back in every effort.
If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive. - Mother Theresa
