Nomopo's Sitch - Patience, Patience, Patience

[stillme]

{{{Nomo}}} & {{{Nomo's S}}}. I'm sorry. Poor little bugger. I hear the same type things from D6 and it rips out your heart. O/c I think you handled it very well, and W's 'reaction' was, o/c, expected. Keeping the communication (or expression of feelings) is key, tho (my C tells me) to getting the kids' "thru" this as well as they can -- That, and the parents being "okay" (not overly emotional, or acting ugly or denying either their own feelings or the children's) thru it all. It's not just enough to "just love your kids", but to really HEAR them & ALLOW THEM [to talk, vent, cry or express ANY emotion or feeling or thought about it] as they want w/o denying either their thoughts/emotions or denying them the right to have them. Hmm, validation anyone? You, and W (to a degree), are doing just that. You're a great dad.

As for the other journaling. . .some quick notes b/f kids get here this morn:

Good on you for identifying your feelings & expressing them (non-threatening o/c) and then apologizing to W for the tenseness over her changed b'room. Rather than the room as a whole, I think you were much more concerned about the taking-down of the photos of you/W in early yrs, right? I really think this has more to do w/HER than w/you, tho. Not only do those early-yrs photos carry memories (which, to her, are not all that good on so many levels [right] now) but she may be considering how SHE has changed from then, and maybe not liking the changes. And, o/c, the specifics of the changes would be purely speculation but it doesn't matter. She's not the same "girl" as those photos, and that bothers her so much she would rather than have a reminder on her wall. (Of course it could also mean that she just didn't like her hair etc. in the photos & has ben waiting all these yrs to have a reason to take the photos off the wall!) But VG for your W in being able to talk it out w/you & all the chuckling (I'm jealous)!

And how many "non-important" phone calls DID W make to you? Hmmm.

Very good on keeping the interaction w/W casual & friendly & upbeat. Wonderful she felt [whatever] & you joined them for dinner! GREAT about re-thinking the bringing-of-coffee-etc to W stuff so much. I think it will mean much more if it (and the phone calls, etc. - which is what I think you were getting at in your last para?) are not a so-frequent thing. Tho I do know you were concerned w/W's LL & being there for her like that. Moderation I think is a good thing now.

Very good on the comedy CD's (Six - really!?). I caught part of an old Eddie Murphy standup on tv recently (forget what the tour was called - the one - well, one of the the ones - where he was in a [blue] leather suit, lol). O/c it was so bad every other word (literally) was bleeped & the humor so off-color or "potty-mouth" (again, literally) but the gist of the 'jokes' were still there. OMG he was awful! Maybe if I'd been in a diff frame of mind I would have enjoyed it. (yeah, maybe not tho.) But the point is: Humor is a good thing! Using the CD's to listen to (instead of, as we suggested to Donna, trying to find something - anything - on the radio that won't cause a neg. reaction in us!) is key to not only our PMA but our attitude about everything.

Many vent/thinking out loud coming: I'm not sure I care how she reacts. Part of me is frustrated with what she is doing in prolonging this S without any indication of what she is thinking or how long this will last or whether she might ever consider working on our M. (She hasn't since Jan. 22nd!) Although I know I made mistakes (and she did too), at least I've acknowledged my mistakes and apologized and I have addressed them and I am still making changes. She, on the other hand, is doing nothing. Unless and until she wakes up and decides she isn't ready to just throw this M/R away, and harm our kids in the process, I kind of feel like I have to be done working on saving my M because she isn't and I am tired of taking it/enabling it. Otherwise, I make it so comfortable and pleasant it could last for years. And if she doesn't wake up, part of me says it's her loss (and my kids, sadly). We'll see. Still considering.

You're at a good point - Really.

Lots of good tuff going on, as usual, N. (And you do SO not need MY "in-depth" analysis of your sitch [is that what you called it?] b/c you are doing so very well all by your own self! But I'm here for you if you like.

Well, kids are now 45 min late to get here. Wonder what's up. Got lots of stuff to do today, and promised S he could play w/his bff (who has been so busy this summer they've only gotten together maybe 3 times).

TTFN
j