Just found out that OW has a kid!!

[Ophelia]

OK, so first up, gotta say that I totally cried myself to sleep last night, (which I haven't done in ages). Was imagining what I'd say to OW if I could speak to her, and ended up a bawling mess.

Seems I'm not alone in the "I hate myspace" club.

Sorry Ophelia that you are still going through this. I posted on one of your threads months ago when I first started on here. My sitch has taken a turn for the worse (actually I'm starting to think it may be for the better). H and I are currently waiting on finalizing the D.

Hi hopeless. I remember you! Sorry I kinda dropped off the boards for a while, but I just wasn't up to coming here every day. Had several very dark weeks where I pretty much wanted to curl up and die. Started coming out of it and now BAM, here I am miserable again. I'm sorry to hear that your sitch hasn't improved either.

I have really cut back on trying to figure out what he is doing, saying, etc.

Something I've gotta learn to do. I just feel like I always have to figure out where he's at so that I can figure out how to ultimately get rid off the competition. My head knows that that's not exactly productive. My heart however, not interested in listening to reason!

I really think that your sitch is a lot like mine. You can't control H....you can't control him being with OW or OW's son. You deserve better than this. You deserve to be loved for you...you deserve a faithful husband. You did all you could. You were willing to give your H a second chance...he just wasn't man enough to take it. You can hang your hat on that...better things are in store for you.

Sometimes I feel stupid for still standing for my M, because as you say, I deserve better. I'm just not at that place where I can give up believing that my H still has the capacity to ultimately be that person who will treat me better.

I am very sorry that your H has the need to care for the wrong person. It makes him feel liek a man, I guess. I am now reading a book called "When Good Men Do Bad Things". It may help you see why he is acting like a complete alien.

Yeah, it probably does. He's magically become a "family man". He's got all he ever dreamed of and nothing could ever be better. Thanks for the tip about that book. I'll definitely check it out!

Perhaps I would feel tempted to call an ex boyfriend who may now be married to come take his place but no way!

Something I thought just before...perhaps I should ask H if I can have OW's exH's number? Wonder how that would go down! Seriously though, I have absolutely no interest to go looking for a replacement for H, and frankly, I wouldn't be surprised if that never changes. No matter what some piece of paper does or doesn't say, I stood in that church and made those vows for life, so I'm not gonna give them up easily despite my H obviously not feeling the same way.

I've been debating constantly over the past 24 hours whether or not I should tell H that I've figured it all out, but ultimately, no matter how civil I tried to be, I'd probably just come off sounding crazy, stalkerish, angry and pathetic, so I don't think I'll broach the subject. As you say....

You need to act like the understanding friend with all your might.

.....and getting all up in his face about his R with OW and her son isn't exactly going to accomplish that goal, is it?

The IL thing is so familiar too. My MIL and most of the family didn't like me much to begin with, and my affair pretty much blacklisted me for life. (So much for forgiveness and their religion, eh?) When your husband finally comes home, make sure that you work on repairing the family situation too. My mom told me you don't just marry a man, you marry his family too. How I WISH I had paid more attention!

I'm really sorry to hear that. I love my H's family. Even though at least half of them are crazy, mixed up, or just plain bizarre people, I love them and consider them my own family now as well. It breaks my heart to think that I may not get to see my nieces and nephews grow up now.

My parents have had no contact with H. He's gotten off incredibly easy really, not having to deal with my mum, or particularly my dad, and especially my grandma!! They understand that I still want us to end up back together, so I hope that if that does happen, they will be able to forgive him and accept him back into the family.

Just wanted to add one little comment about OW having a kid...

Look what's happening with Angelina and Brad!!! Eventually the fantasy ends.... Kind of sad they made a kid together with a marriage built on an affair....

Yeah, I've heard the gossip about those two practically being splitzville. I was always on Team Aniston. Couldn't even bring myself to watch that damned Mr & Mrs Smith movie because whenever I'd see a trailer for it I'd just be disgusted about their A.

I don't understand how people who have kids with someone can throw their M away. I can't even begin to fathom how OW could have separated from her H when their son was 3 months old!! That just blows my mind.