he has had a handful of real moments of remorse...its been a while, but I could see it was real...I could see HIM again, it was almost like a veil lifted. my problem was, instead of letting him actually feel bad/remorseful, I would brush it off...seriously. there was a moment in april where he was crying on the couch, a real, honest moment, saying he was so sorry. what did I do? well, I immediately pulled him into my arms, shushed him, comforted him, and, well...well...comforted him. its like I just thought it would all go away. which, of course, it didn't.
I need to stop having conversations for him. I need to allow him to feel whatever he needs to feel, and I need to let him walk this path that he has chosen. I kind of have this vision of him standing at a fork in the road this past spring, and he ended up going down her path. he could still turn around, could still go back to that fork and choose differently, but nothing I do, other than DB, will make a difference. I suppose I could pursue, but that would only chase him further down the road. really, the db principal of getting my own life seems to be the only thing that I can do. he might remember all the good things along my path (gee, I'm really beating this metaphor to death, aren't I?). but the long and the short of it is, he has to do it on his own.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
