Nomopo's Sitch - Patience, Patience, Patience

[Strongerthanthis]

Hi Nomo,

I glance in W's room. She has done a major cleaning out of it. I knew this, but it caught me by surprise. It was so empty and sad/depressing. I noticed she took down some old pictures of us (and a lot not of us, BTW), and that bummed me out. Made me feel like she was moving on.

Early on in our S my W took down all the pictures of us together and put up pictures of her brother and sister it does hurt. I did n't say anyting but a few weeks later said I would like to put pictures of me and the children in the children's rooms. My take on the pictures is for my W it is a practical step to endorse her decision to seperate and feel she is moving on but they have to do this to prove to themselves that the're decision is right, no matter how confused they are inside.

As I said, I think W is denying some of the effects/damage.

Yes, They must have tremendous guilt in breaking up the family that anything that shows how destructive a marriage breakup is to children is something they will deny. This happened to me on Monday, before they went on holiday my D8 started to get upset and said she did n't want to go to France without me, would n't enjoy it and basically crying. I found this extremely hard but kept reassuring her that she would have a great time etc. W said she was just playing up! WTF! and she then said if you keep acting like this Daddy won't see you again before you go away next time. I responded No I would always see her before any trip, a tense look between me and W but when it comes to the children you are absolutely right not to worry about pissing of the W.

I kind of feel like I have to be done working on saving my M because she isn't and I am tired of taking it/enabling it. Otherwise, I make it so comfortable and pleasant it could last for years.

I think something to think about, is do you feel you are at the right place either way the M goes? This could be a good time to 'try something different' My personal opinion is to become their best friend they see how much they like you, then pull back gently and see if they are drawn back again a fine line which I'm not there with yet. A bit of the castle / picnic as I understand it they like you and you are having such a good life without them they want to become part of that.

Anyway just my thoughts, having been in very similar situations hope you can get something out of it, even if it's your not alone with all this cr@p!

charlie