Lessons from a former WAS

[thegoodfight]

Well after Monday's long and late night talk, things are not looking very good! We had a discussion about of all things not talking! W. indicated very admantly talking about her feelings doesn't help. However she enjoys talking to her male "friend".

I indicated how I felt and it was boundry for me that was being crossed. She said she wants a seperation, knows I can't move out right now but wants a seperation. I did not say this but we have been seperated already at least emotionally. She did however express for the first time some anger and call me some names. I thought it was good to start to get some of it out! I think she bottles it up and that is not healthy for anyone!

Regardless of the outcome, I thanked her for sharing her feelings. She contends I don't really want to hear them, but yet I listened for about 20 minutes about how I have ruined everything and caused so much pain. I don't know what will happen, trying a very casual detaching mode. It is a fine line between showing interest in what she is talking about and not showing too much.

Space and time will tell the story as with most of us. I can't remeber being this nasty and selfish, but maybe I was! More importantly I am sure I was perceived at being this selfish. She called me selfish and asked me to stop being nice and stop trying because it just won't work! She can't get past it! I don't believe that, but I do believe until she wants to get past it she won't.

She claims she hasn't cried and that worries her because it means she doesn't care. More likely she isn't past the anger stage. Plus she has forgotten how upset she was in the beginning of the year! I don't know what it all means and I am not sure how I feel about everything. Some days I just want to call it quits and some days I just shut up and take it!

Interesting enough, when I brought up finances she gets very defensive and says I am threating her. I said I am not threating but we have to look at this realistically. I don't know I have to do some thinking and definitely have to let go before I get as angry and pissed as she is. Then things are really doomed.