Nothing anyone says or does is because of YOU. What they are saying (or doing) is a projection of themselves and how THEY are feeling.
A generalisation but nonetheless true a lot of the time.
When Mojo's 2bx told her pink wasn't her colour he was projecting his jealously of her as a basically happy, basically hot woman that he hadn't a hope in hell of living up to. This is similar to the sort of thing my H has a tendency to do. He is doing it less and less because I have stopped asking him to live up to any expectations I may have had of him. (Well lets say I'm learning to stop). When Mojo told her 2bx he was LD rather than saying she was a greedy horny girl, she was telling him he wasn't living up to her expectations. And that made him react in lots of nasty defensive ways.
I have now completely decided in my M that I am responsible for my own happiness. This is my life and I have the responsibility to live it right. Whatever he does or doesn't do will be the things he chooses to do or not do, and he has the complete right and freedom to live his life his way too. I will give only what my H is willing to receive and take only as much as he is willing to give. Beyond that who knows, but I won't look to my H to provide entertainment for any excess energy I may have. If I want to go out and party hard, I'll go out and party hard. If I want to remodel the house, I'll remodel the house. If I want to get my rocks off I'll get my rocks off (somehow!). All of these projects are things that H is more than welcome to join me in if he wishes, but I'm not depending on him.
As I start to become more differentiated about things, that seems to be taking pressure off him and he feels less need to react in nasty defensive ways when he sees me having a good time when he's having a low time. If you love someone let them go. I am starting to see what that really means.
Fran
if we can be sufficient to ourselves, we need fear no entangling webs Erica Jong
