How do I know what those concrete steps are without driving myself crazy? What I mean is... When she calls she tells me she is just looking for an excuse to call and when we get ready to hang up she says "bye babe"
You need to stop and think about this. I can't tell you exactly what a concrete step is because there is no clear definition. It's kind of like the definition of pornography...you can't really describe it, but you know it when you see it.
In that vein, a concrete step would be saying something like, "We've had some problems and made some mistakes. Walking away wasn't the way to solve those and I'm going to stop today. Let's sit down and talk/go to counseling/see our minister." It might be ending a R with another man. Who knows. What I can say is that saying "she is just looking for an excuse to call", "bye babe", "isn't it sad", or what have you does not constitute anything more than meaningless chatter.
What's driving you crazy is your desire to believe such idle statements are concrete. However, as much as it hurts to hear it, they're not...and they never will be. So when she says, "Bye, babe", say "Ciao", hang up, and forget she said anything at all (because in truth, she didn't).
