I can say I know how you feel, I could have lived without the intimacy on our marriage IF That was meant to be and SHE had not gone out and had Sex. (I didn't use the F word) another man.
I don't think a separation is what you want. I too have thought about this. But we kind of are already separated. It's just I can work on Gal and winning her heart back easier if she is in the other room than across town. Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Big thanks. Rollercoaster on the up today. Counsellor made sense last night and think W took on board the comments.
You are right, I dont want seperation - furthest thing from my mind. Going out tonight just the 2 of us to see Harry Potter - both didn't sleep well last night, but still feeling more positive today.
Think on Thursday (we were going to go our for a meal), I will run her a bath for her return and then cook her a steak dinner (my speciality). That way we can have a pleasant night in just the 2 of us, with no pressure.
Spoken to W 3 times on the phone today (idle chit chat) and all 3 have been good. Both of us still not sleeping (probably lack of intimacy for me) and lots of thoughts for her.
Being a cheerleader at the moment and encouraging her in her work (change of job), which will give her more time at home.
Still feeling positive but knowing that there is a long hard dark tunnel ahead (and behind).
Just come back from a week away with the W, visiting her Father. Marshalling my thoughts about the whole trip at the moment and will past more when they are fully formed.
Overall, it was not the disaster it could have turned into, so feeling positive.
W is out at a party with friends tonight - in classic DB style I wished her well and said 'Enjoy the night'. Know she is not with OP, so hope it goes well.
Here's a synopsis of last couple of weeks:
1. Counsellor seems to be leaning to my point of view (IMHO) and advocating working on the marriage. W still very angry, but seems that part of this is shame (could be very wrong).
2. Approached W about secret email account. Very quiet spoken and stated I was dissappointed. Initial reaction was of anger, but this changed into lots of tears from W. Told her I would not pry (haven't for months and proud of it). Long R talk before trip to Scotland to see her family.
3. Together as family in caravan. Asked to be intimate, got rejected. Next night (and in her switched off week), explained what I was going to do to her and (seduced?) her. Not great and did get it thrown back at me, but in one sense she is allowing me to touch her.
4. W stressed at family, starts having a go at me. Throws previous nights sex as 'I didn't say yes'. Could have argued the point (she certainly enjoyed it), but thought better of it and more anger and tears (now directed at family). On hand to cuddle and hold her, so positive there.
5. W having period, so no intimacy, but still cuddled up. Several trips with family and me acting happy and upbeat. Not a bad holiday, but W was stressed by this and work txting.
6. Back home and W stressed immediately by work. Tea and toast at 2.00 a.m. as she can't sleep. Meets with boss and is changing job (real close to home and much less stress). Talking now about holiday in October (Ireally thought she wouldn't go) and planning cover for her work.
7. Last night. I was out with nephew and arrived home late. Helped put kids to bed and checked computer. W had been on and checked her site (can tell but don't peak). Politely pointed out that I am aware when she checks but I won't invade privacy. Little bit of hostility (I have the back of a duck now) and comments thrown about, but nothing major. Talk about her work and supporting her all the way.
8. Early morning. Wake up to find W awake - can't sleep - Life, Universe and Everything. Suggest sex as a steam valve, not expecting a postive response, but get a non-committal one in return (its not an emphatic no), fun and intimacy ensue, followed by tears from W.
So, in one breath OP is still on scene, but no physical contact for months and the other is that we have had some intimacy when I thought we wouldn't.
So living each day as it comes, with a Status Quo concert tomorrow together. Will update again after the weekend.
Oh another thing counsellor said I could do is drop 'ILY' into the conversation.
Have been, not getting much of a response, but there again wasn;t expecting one so I'm cool with that. Once a week seems ok, sometimes just as she is falling asleep.
This is really nice to hear. I think you and I may be at the same point. I have decided that in the next few weeks I am going to start up again with the ILU's. I figure I am going for broke. She has had time to decide; I have detected maybe a little too much and am getting afraid I may stray soon. I am going to wait until I am back at work and she is home. (Was laid off). This will give her space to digest what she wants and what I want. Manuel
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Paul, good synopsis. Sorry about the lack of intimacy. Its pretty rough being rejected or turned away by the one that is supposed to love us forever. Hope the ILY's start coming back full force.
Not a good day today, W angry and not happy. States 'you know the reason why I can't smile'. Still confused as hell, intimate again on Sunday morning - seems to be W saying 'I got an itch, you can scratch it'; me being weak maybe will scratch it everytime (but boy I enjoy a good scratch).
I am going to continue the fight and be completely positive with her - no pressure for anything, just enjoying the fact that she has remained by my side for the last 6 months.
I was also resigned to the fact that I would be taking the children on holiday on my own in October, but she is making plans to come along - no pressure from me.
So, not sure if I am on an up or downslope of my rollercoaster, just opening my mouth and screaming.
Husband, I can relate to the straying bit, friendly with girls at work and if I don't stay resolute, I might get tempted.
