Dave and JustDucky I appreciate your opinions. I see things (whether it a male thing or not) like Dave. I do not recall exact moments when my wife has hurt me (ok there is one but it is only a little over a year old and it was pretty bad for me) but, I do recall her behavior, just not details. It may not be so much a male female thing as maybe just the individual person.
I did gain some insight today after talking to a few different people who have been helping me with my R. I will share them with you.
I grew up with 2 bothers and 3 sisters and it was very much the norm for us to rough house and torment each other. Especially to get our way or to get respect. I know how to hold someone until they cry uncle, if you know what I mean. So when I threw a glass of water on my wife instead of throwing a fist, as some people do. I see myself as having been in control over my anger, to some extent. Not saying that throwing the water is ok, but I see that it could have been a lot worse.
My wife on the other hand grew up with 3 old sisters and they (from what ne wife has told me) never fought. They had little disagreements, but never any physical interaction to speak of. I also believe that where as they were all girls, she does not understand the rough housing, boyish behavior that males have. So, the water being thrown at her and me grabbing her shirt to keep her from walking away were obviously very traumatic events and she may have never experienced that from someone who is supposed to love and protect you. Whereas for me it was just immature boyish behavior.
Hopefully now that she has been able to express and share with me these terrible events that I have caused her to suffer, she will be able to start on the path of forgiving me and accept my heartfelt forgiveness. I told her yesterday that I was truly, truly sorry and I had no idea that they had affected her so badly and that I was crushed to know that she had been holding them in for all these years. I plan on re-visiting this with her in the not too distant future when the time is right. I really want to try to show her how bad I feel about the whole situation and how terrible it must have been or is for her to hold all off those negative feelings and emotions inside and hopefully she will be able to relieve herself from the poison of those events and cleanse her soul and be free from them.
“Do you want to be RIGHT or want to be LOVED” “You have to have a life to share a life with someone” “When you stop resisting, you start learning”
