It's easy to get stuck in the difficult times if we let ourselves. I think it's a way of giving up control. We feel so bad that we can't/won't do anything and we blame our depresion for it. You said your anger kept you going before. What can you imagine would keep you going now? Remember you have to keep going whether it's with him or not. How does the depresion your feeling serve you? Sometimes when I get really down the people closest to me "take care/feel sorry" of/for me. That's a pay off, even if it doesn't serve me long term. It's something I have to be vigilant about.
You know that she (OW) never really had control of YOUR life. She had your man and that hurt and made you feel out of control, but you've always had the reins and the ability to decide. You decided to stay (at least up until now), why? To prove you could "get him back"? Was that the goal or is there something else you would like to obtain?
Don't mean to overwhelm you with questions, but I sense a kindred spirit in you and I find this line of thinking helpful. If you don't, by all means let me know and I will back off immediately. You have a wisdom that I think you are not allowing to come up to the front of your mind and use to your full advantage.
Read and visit with and live your life. It has so much value. Be well. Love, Grace
