It's easy to get stuck in the difficult times if we let ourselves. I think it's a way of giving up control. We feel so bad that we can't/won't do anything and we blame our depresion for it. You said your anger kept you going before. What can you imagine would keep you going now? Remember you have to keep going whether it's with him or not. How does the depresion your feeling serve you? Sometimes when I get really down the people closest to me "take care/feel sorry" of/for me. That's a pay off, even if it doesn't serve me long term. It's something I have to be vigilant about.
You know that she (OW) never really had control of YOUR life. She had your man and that hurt and made you feel out of control, but you've always had the reins and the ability to decide. You decided to stay (at least up until now), why? To prove you could "get him back"? Was that the goal or is there something else you would like to obtain?
Don't mean to overwhelm you with questions, but I sense a kindred spirit in you and I find this line of thinking helpful. If you don't, by all means let me know and I will back off immediately. You have a wisdom that I think you are not allowing to come up to the front of your mind and use to your full advantage.
Read and visit with and live your life. It has so much value. Be well. Love, Grace
Ahh Grace your questions make me think and I need to do more of that instead of just reacting. It helps, so please keep them coming. I wonder if I was on a mission to get him back and now that I have him I don't what to do with him! That question has really made me mull things over in my mind. I believe there is more that I wanted but I must admit that I wanted to get him back from her. I find myself thinking more about her lately and wondering what she is doing with her life right now. Why would I even care about that? Thank you Grace. Love, Violets
I think IMP has a point. Also, I wonder if it was me if I wouldn't wonder if I COULD get him back from her. If for no other reason than to prove to myself I could. Not to diminish that I am still in love with him, but I just wonder (maybe too much).
Wondering what she's doing with her life is interesting. Why do you think you think about that? Do you think she'll come back into the picture? Maybe you just hope all is not well in her world. Of course I don't really know how it could be.
The space between my ears is rattling right now with what all sorts of strange stuff. I don't know why I care about what she is doing right now. I don't hate her,I just want her to suffer a little.Lol! No, I really don't want that either but a little penance might do her some good. I am curious about her and her motivation and all kinds of things including trivial stuff that doesn't matter. I still have not had a chance to get to the bookstore but I'll try again tomorrow. Thanks for your insight. You are a sweetheart Grace. Love, Violets
Yes, violets, you do have to clear the old noggin once in a while. It is hard to do. I was there. You get past it at some point. Just have to keep trying.
I wentt to a family reunion this past weekend and actually enjoyed myself. We had a dance and kareoke. It was fun. An uncle was there who became divorced after 36 yrs. of marriage and is now remarried.They are miserable because of the blended family situation. His ex-wife told me a month ago that if she could go back, she would never have filed. Another uncle was there who was celebrating 60 yrs. of marriage. All this has made me think long and hard about what I really want in my life. Is there life out there after ending a long term marriage? Honestly I wish I could just go on and have my life back but as Bob Dylan said in a song " I keep recycling the same old thoughts". I think of it over and over.Like a movie, I play the scenes back in my mind and I try the stop thing sign and it just doesn't help me. Maybe for some people it works but not me. I don't feel love for my H. anymore, sorry to say it but it is reality. I look at him as a family member and someone I care about but not someone I love in a romantic sense. My noggin is saturated with what ifs and maybes and whys and on and on. Sometimes I feel a little punchy. Thanks for listening. Love, Violets
No one knows why they got divorced after so long, everything was hush hush about that situation until it blew up. I just saw different ends of the spectrum within one family and I know there are no easy answers in life but the couple that have been married so long are by far the happiest. It was an interesting weekend. H. and I got along better and we actually had some fun, but he starts thinking everything is "normal" and when I brought up the A. yesterday he became upset. . Love, Violets
