Plank/WAW, thread 2

[Heimlich]

I probably should have shut up when we were attempting to fill in the mediation documents. Though she did actually open up and TELL me a few things about how she was feeling the way she's feeling. I think she's got her head in the ground and I just have a hard time believing she doesn't like me (though, i wasn't likable for a few years, as I've mentioned in earlier posts). The thing that bothers me the most is that she just hid her feelings and never told me. Now, she's finally being honest and says she is just done and can't see us ever being together. I have scarred her. Her acknowledgign that she hurt me too was a first. She brought up the pushing sex again, to which I responded you know that I feel close to you when we're intimate and that I only 'got off' when that's all you would give me and after a while that's all I'd get so i settled for it. It was never what I wanted and combined with me getting fat and being constantly rejected, really undermined by confidence. Also, I pushed a little too much in early winter as a way to hopefully use sex to reconnect (Which i said over and over, it's not about the sex, i'm trying to reconnect emotionally with you -- we just weren't hearing each other). I also said, I hope you could understand why I was feeling a little insecure, which was part of the reason I was pushing. And pushing is a little too strong, I was actually more respectful when she said no than i had been in a while. She just refuses to see that part of it. So, in some senses, this was the first time I told her explicitely how some of her actions made me feel. And she did acknowledge that. In the long run, might be a good thing. Probably not. WHo knows.

The second post, after I gave her my ring, was close to verbatim.

The only thing I left out was that I gave her the ring about two minutes before I spoke. When I gave it to her, I told her she was welcome to give it back to me any time she wanted to. Wasn't planned, totally spur of the moment. I had actually gone upstairs to rub some cortison on a bug bite. Decided to give her the ring. Then decided to say what I said.


And that was a very long response to a short question.