Sorry you find yourself here, glad you found the place. You have so many positive signs, in that your W says she's willing to work on your M. It's great that she's in C---she needs to work on herself for herself, if your M is going to stand a chance down the road. You're on a good path, too: you're able to identify the mistakes you made and you're working to address your own issues. This is obviously the only part you can control, and you see that you've tried to run the show before, so taking control of yourself is where you want to focus.
Originally Posted By: DaveJ
What if she calls and says she misses me and wants to see me? Do I go over or should I not be so available?
That's a tough one. If it were me, I might ask her whether she's sure, but I'd go and use it as a chance to hear her, validate her feelings (is that something you're familiar with?), and show her you can just listen without pushing for anything else. If I were her I wouldn't ask, but of course that's a separate issue, and not yours. So I'd say if you're free, go, but if you don't want to go, do not tell her she needs this time by herself to think (or anything else). She has to be free to dictate her own needs. My DH is telling me what I need sometimes right now and I want to thump him---even if he's right, I get to say what I need.
Others may have a different perspective on this for you.
Originally Posted By: DaveJ
How else am I suppose to show her I'm different and better?
You're going to have plenty of interactions with her, even just around picking up and dropping off your kids. Be upbeat and cheerful, don't bring up your R, and she'll notice. Heck, she already told you she has. You can control whether or not and to what extent you change; whether or not it's the change she needs or enough, she'll have to decide. Let go of it, as extraordinary a feat as that is.
And in the end, if you make positive changes in your life and it doesn't save your M, it'll improve your own life and your R with her, and that's worth a lot.
