changes in attitudes, changes in latitudes

[Not Much Left]

NA, first I would like to apologize for not responding specifically to your comment on my thread. I did see it and thought I had responded and that I appreciated you checking in with me.

I think this is a good time for me to reevaluate things. I've been DBing for more than 2 months, giving H tons of space, not starting R talks, not saying ILY, working on my patience (successfully, I would say), trying to GAL. Now I look at the result: H is ready to move out, he's half-way out the door already (bringing things to the apt already). Did I do something wrong? I think I may need to change my approach in some way, but I'm not sure how.

No, I dont think you have done anything wrong, I am not a fly on the wall but you are doing what you can. You need to be proud of it, not constantly second guessing, it tends to show (I think). Always re-evaluate. The S is not the end and may be the only way for him to figure this out. No question it is hard on you and it sucks, but at least you will be home w/ your kids which you can focus on. I know you want him not to go, but the more you tug, the more he will push back.

H brought up the $ issue yesterday. He said that he would have to change the amount he transfers to me w/every paycheck because he will have the new rent expense. I responded with "It's not like our house expenses are going to be going down because you're not here." I wish I wasn't so snarky, but I just couldn't help myself. I was expecting this, so I had drawn up a quick budget the day before and figured out that I will be fine. I had to tell him that we needed to talk about this later, when the kids weren't around, and then I went out for another 45 minute walk. He didn't bring it up later and neither did I.

I thought that was actually the right comment at the right time. It is true and not aggressive or acusatory. I was not there but just sounds like you said it in a matter of fact tone.
Good for you on going for a walk to cool off.

I had a tough day today, as we spent a lot of time together as a family. We went to the beach this morning and it really brought me down. I tried not to show it, but when we got home I had to spend some time alone with my tears. We had a nice dinner together, then went out for ice cream. I would find myself having a good time and then I would remember that he's leaving us and it would hit me like a ton of bricks all over again. I just do not understand it.

I know, I know, we play family every weekend. No great comment hear.

With the pending S, I have to set out a new list of goals. That will be my personal project for the next few days. I'm always better when I have a project to work on.

I also need to figure out exactly what this S means. Should I bring this up to him? Should we have "rules"? Do we have to divvy up time with the kids already? Is he expecting to date? Does he think he can some waltzing back whenever he feels like it, for a visit or permanently? Would it be too much to ask him about childproofing the apt? I can't imagine having the kids stay with him there without my seeing it. Actually, I can't imagine the kids staying there at all.

If you think he will listen, you sound like a person that is good at laying things out. Would he agree to some ground rules or no? I personally go everyday with no specicific rules and I can tell you it is not easy not knowing when it is OK to come over, just call to talk or not? kids? whatever, I think it would be easier, again if he will listen.