What I'm trying to say is that if you tell the truth about yourself, if you reveal your preferences and your faults, people might not always like you but they will always respect you. If you just go around stating your opinion as though it is fact then that is as an offensive move and it is only natural for others to respond defensively. When Fearless responded to her Grandfather by saying "Oh, Grandpa, you just like short hair." she was doing for him the job he should have done himself. She was exposing his vulnerability by stating that she understood that his statement was just his preference which is certainly an acceptable interaction between a Granddaughter and a curmudgeonly yet lovable Grandpa. If I had responded to my 2bx's statement by saying "Oh, you just don't like the color pink." he would not have allowed me to expose that vulnerability, he would have become more offensive and said something like "You have no idea what looks good on you." So, really, he was trying to offensively exhibit some sort of control or gain power by making such statements to me. He wasn't making himself vulnerable by stating his preferences in an effort to strengthen connection.
I will go so far as to say that searching your soul for your true preferences and revealing them is the path to differentiation. It's the opposite of being needy or manipulative because you are stating your wants in a straight-forward manner and leaving yourself absolutely vulnerable to not having them met. You just have to be brave enough to hear "yuck" or "no." Allowing somebody to KNOW you is the opposite of trying to get somebody to LIKE or LOVE or DESIRE you. The hardest part, of course, is KNOWING yourself.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
