Changing mountains into speed bumps!!!

[DaveJ]

Here's something I have read which really goes against us males. When we are emotionally hurt, biologically only for women those painful emotions are stored in long term memory. For men, short term. That is the reason why when a man and a woman argue, the woman always brings up every single little event they were hurt by us man precisely and we man are flabbergasted on how in the world they come up with that. Men just forget and move on. Women remember. Some how if we can convince them to fight fair....

I'm just starting to deal with my WAW. And from my tiny little experience I have dealt with so far, it seems that if you are sincere and genuine about the changes you are making via action that helps. But, it seems to really help if you realize all the pain you have caused them and owns up to them on your own w/o her telling you and apologize sincerely. It really doesn't matter if they did the same things to you. If you want to save this marriage, you gotta be the bigger man so to speak and do the apologizing and suck it up. At least that got me to get my W going from absolutely wants a D and is absolutely done to she really wants the marriage to work and wants to put the effort in making it work. She told me she's being honest and genuine about that so I will take her word for it. Previously it didn't seem to matter how much effort I put into making things better. She even said she saw that I was doing everything I can to make this work but it may be too little too late. But this owning up and realizing what I've done seems to turn on the light for her and give her hope that I finally realize what I did. Of course, I still need to go through the separation and give her space and let her sort out things. But at least I've moved us off the edge of the cliff so to say a bit. Although it's probably different for each individual situation. Just thought I share what I've experienced...