Newbie Needing Direction from Veterans--Help!

[justaboutdone]

Thank you so much for the reply FriendlyOne. I really appreciate your thoughts. Do you think faking it will ultimately get me to the goal I want. Believe me if it would I could fake it for a really long time.

We've been faking it for nine months now and it hasn't gotten us anywhere. I pushed (I know not the right thing to do) a little last Thursday and he actually came back at me with the same hateful venom I got when the bomb was first dropped--"I can't stand you. You're selfish. You look at everyone in your life and wonder what they can do for you. Scratch me a check and you'll see what I really want." His story hasn't change at all. Now I haven't been the best DBer but I have tried. I am a waaaaaaay better person than I used to be but he sees no change. He is often quite rude and sometimes hateful and sometimes the faking it 'til I make it just seems phony and like I'm just spinning my wheels. I think I'm stuck in a cheeseless tunnel and I can't find my way out. From day one I've continued to do the loving, caring things I always did for him. I've learned enough to not expect anything from my acts of kindness but that is what's making me feel like a doormat. I make dinners for him, do his laundry, make sure his drinks are cold, buy him things he requests and sometimes even more and then he screams that he can't stand me. I'm not doing anything above and beyond what I ever did in our relationship, although I do try to be a little more thoughtful occasionally so he can see that I am trying to be a more considerate person. I'm just frustrated because I feel like I'm faking a nice comfortable marriage for him just until he can afford to leave me. I'm starting to feel used.

I'm sorry to vent and I do really appreciate your thoughts. I'm just struggling with how long I should fake it.