Well... you certainly gave your husband some good amunition for staying mad at you and making sure OW appears nicer and more reasonable... those texts.... you have to stop trying to guilt him into leaving that relationship..... if anything you are only bringing them closer. Like a teen whose mom says... don't date that girl!!! She's bad. So what does the teen do? Sees her anyway. He HAS to make this decision on his own. Don't guilt him or express any disapproval. Before you say (or text) ANYTHING ask yourself. Does this bring me closer or further from my husband? And if it's going to push you further bite your tongue and imagine yourself as Mother Theresa. At this point avoid conflict, relationship talk, etc...
Now, next thing. You don't like how OW is being so nice to the kids... I know that's very difficult as a mom, but try to look at it this way. If your H does leave for OW, do you prefer she likes the kids and treats them well or hates them and slowly tries to work the kids out of their lives... with H seeing them less and less over time (I see this one ALL the time!). What sounds better to you? When my husband was with OW... sure I was furious, hated OW with passion and had a huge amount of anger at my husband and wanted the kids to prefer me and believe divorce, cheating, etc... was wrong. But I also knew that if he did continue the relationship and eventually marry her, the kids would be much better off if she liked them. You cannot keep yourself in this. That doesn't mean you don't try and teach them leaving a marriage is wrong, and that working it out for kids is extremely important, but sometimes people do get confused.
I'd probably sit them all down (the older ones) and explain it somewhat like this... Dad is unsure what he wants in life. He's not sure if he wants to be married to mom, and during the separation he will have female friends. Some of them he may like or give a hug to or a kiss to. While we are separated this is the deal. He's trying to figure out where he wants to be. I don't agree with this, but I do want your dad to be happy and have the time to figure out what he wants. Maybe eventually he'll decide he misses us and the family he had and he wants to come back. Maybe he won't. We are going to fine no matter what. None of this is due to you kids. Your dad loves you. He just needs time and space to figure himself out and figure out how he really feels about the marriage... yada yada.
(NOTE to Penny..... thanks for the kind words. I have to say everything I picked up is from the wise people here and one amazing DBer I met locally at church! I do have a thread on Piecing and even links to my old sitch).
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
