Corri wrote: A truly differentiated person is immune to both compliments and put-downs. Martelo responded: That sounds a bit more like being disassociated than differentiated. There is a difference and I think that it's subtle but important to have a feeling of what that difference is.
I think being immune to compliments/put-downs is going a bit too far. We just don't need to let put-downs ruin our self-image or depend on compliments to have a good day. I think it is natural to feel worse after a put-down, or feel better about a compliment, especially if it comes from someone we respect or is important to us emotionally. We just need to have enough self-confidence that neither one affects us too much.
I remember awhile back we compared it to cycles of numbers. Let's say a compliment adds 10 emotional points (EP) and a put-down subtracts 10 EP. If our average EP level is 5 then a put-down makes you feel overall bad about yourself, and a compliment triples your sense of well-being, both of which can be unhealthy. However, if you raise your average EP level to 50, then neither creates a serious affect on you. On the other hand you could decrease the effect of compliments and put-downs to say 1 EP, but I don't think that is as beneficial to you, because you are still at only 5 EP average, and doing so can (as Martelo puts it) put you in a disassociated state from your friends and family. You are still vulnerable to some other bad event throwing you into the pit.
I think allowing people to have an effect on you can cause problems, but it can also draw you closer to that person when the effect is positive. You just have to have enough self-confidence to weather the negative part of the cycle.
JMHO of course Chrome
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
