Trying to set those goals!

[Dom R]

"Act as if" him dating you (exclusively) is a positive thing, and can happen. Then, it might.

I sorta get that; I don't know how to apply it to real life.

(side note: this is where you might want to call a professional "DB counsellor" if you can afford it but I'll take a short stab at it)

only you can fully answer this. But sometimes, it helps to ask the right question of yourself.

So, question:

"IF you make the assuption, that your husband is still capable of dating you exclusively (even though he isnt willing to COMMIT to doing so).. and IF you make the assuption that he could potentialy enjoy it, and you too... Looking at your situation with 'fresh eyes', ignoring what you have done in the past... How would you act?"

Basically... i'd say be open to going on dates, and let him make up his own mind on whether he enjoys it or not.

Avoid expectations.... try to see each date as a "new" thing.
Just as he has probably placed a mask over you... you may have placed a mask over him, which may be preventing you from seeing what he is like "right now", vs 10 years ago. if you get a date with him... dont expect it to be like any date you've had in the past. Dont think of it as "reminding him" of stuff in your past (although if there were fun things in the past that come up, theres probably no harm in acknowledging that. just dont make it ALL about the past). Live in the present, and build an enjoyable "now".

Try to see him as a brand new person, and see if you learn anything about what he wants in the present, vs in the past.
Enjoy the moment as something new between you. have fun