CVA - Angels vs. Devils

[savingus77]

But of course!!! You keep cracking me up and I'll give you all the free fashion advice you can handle!

[alk24]

$150 jeans? Holy cow!

[Heimlich]

Deal. We'll just have to go light on the 150 dollar jeans. Though if they make my buttocks look good . . .
BD

[Handful of Rain]

CVA, don't know if you're out there bro, but I need some major advice, could you please look at the last post on my thread (first one in the sig) and offer some, Sorry to ask like this, but I am kind of on a time line, too, I see W, in about and hour. Thanks.

[Not Much Left]

Rain
I replied to your post as did others.

[Handful of Rain]

Thank CVA, I really needed your advice, and so quickly, man you guys are good. Take care.

[Not Much Left]

WAW

Um, holy shmoly. How did I miss this? I was going back looking for a post from NA that I might have missed in my ranting and raving and trying to put things in perspective and came across this

Okay CVA...Hopefully your head will fit out the door when I am finished.

No real need to quote the rest, I have never been so flattered in my whole life except for when my W agreed to marry me.

Anyway, enough of this post D talk...I have great faith that Mrs. CVA will come around and you will not need to worry

Again, enough said, Thank you. Thank you, Thank you.

P.S.,not bald, yet. Propecia working well.

[Not Much Left]

Well

I dont know if I should sigh or scream

Talking to W to wrap up the day. Asks if I will be here tomorrow when they get home (cant remember why she asked but there was a reason) so I say, "I have a counseling session tomorrow"

W: Oh, is this the first time? Meaning in a while?
me: Well, I am actually going to see someone new.
W: What do you mean?
me: Just described who new C was and why I chose to switch.
W: When was the last time you saw your old C, basically asking if I had talked to him after she did.
Me: I said, yeah, I saw him one time after that, why?
W: No reason.
Me: I told her I still had some things to work on and I really wasnt getting that from the old C.

I really dont think there was any bomb there that she was hoping he would tell me.

That exchange seemed to go Ok

Me: I asked if she was still going
WL: She says she hasnt been as her C said go see my C then come back and see her if she wants to come together or by herself
Me: SO I ASKED, So where are you on all that right now, we havnt really talked about it, do you want to go see someone together?
W: THE DREADED, I DONT KNOW.
Me: Can you tell me what that means?

It is amazing how I still get no response. She did say we will have to talk about this later. NOT GOOD?

Also I said, "So, should I initiate this discussion or you?, I need to ask you this because I dont know if you will talk to me about it or you are waiting for me to say something"

This is where she ALWAYS gets tongue tied. She literally starts getting tongue tied. So I say "I dont want you to get tongue tied, I want you to feel comfortable talking to me". She says, "Ummm, yeah, well continue this aother time."

Basically she is trying to get the kids to bed, her mom is waiting on her to get the boys out of the bathroom and no one can get to bed till she starts so she just defers.

Anyhow, the conversation was not filled with any anomosity or anger or anything, just polite conversation with no commitment to work on it from her.

Based on this conversation, I have noe clue what she will say. I mentioned her maybe going to see my new C much like she did with Old C I think before the "I DONT KNOW" comment and she says "well, you are basically starting over so..." I calmly point out that that is not really the way I saw it because I was starting at a much different place then when I started with old C. She says "yes, I understand that, just pointing out that he had history with you before I saw him".

Thoughts anyone. I am OK with having gone thru this and dont really view it as a backslide. Some of it was risky, but something like this needed to be said so...

[Nomopo]

That exchange seemed to go Ok

I agree.

Me: SO I ASKED, So where are you on all that right now, we havnt really talked about it, do you want to go see someone together?
W: THE DREADED, I DONT KNOW.
Me: Can you tell me what that means?

It is amazing how I still get no response. She did say we will have to talk about this later. NOT GOOD?

I don't think I don't know is bad. It's better than no. And when you asked "Can you tell me what that means?" she was silent and said let's discuss it later? Fine. Not good or bad, but kids may have been around and you admitted she was getting them down. Act as if it will be positive, not negative.

She says, "Ummm, yeah, well continue this aother time."

Now you are pushing her too much. Controlling? Porbably need to back off here.

Basically she is trying to get the kids to bed, her mom is waiting on her to get the boys out of the bathroom and no one can get to bed till she starts so she just defers.

Makes sense.

Anyhow, the conversation was not filled with any anomosity or anger or anything, just polite conversation with no commitment to work on it from her.

So it is fine. Act as if tomorrow. I suspect you will get your answer before too long. Be patient. Let her bring it to you. Don't forget to ask her to see your new C so new C can help you. Start there if you have too, not with couples counseling. If she likes C, then couples counseling may be an option.

Based on this conversation, I have noe clue what she will say. I mentioned her maybe going to see my new C much like she did with Old C I think before the "I DONT KNOW" comment and she says "well, you are basically starting over so..."

So what? What was her point?

I calmly point out that that is not really the way I saw it because I was starting at a much different place then when I started with old C. She says "yes, I understand that, just pointing out that he had history with you before I saw him".

So your new C got (or will get) your history in a few sessions. Then when C is ready she will talk to W.

Nomo

[Not Much Left]

THanks Nomo.

Here is what I left out, duh, I was blocking.

Talked about pastor (W's sisters' husbands' dad) and his wife. I asked if she had talked to his wife. She said she talks to them every 2 wks or so.

Recall that he is the guy / couple who brought us back together the last few times. I got irritated w/ him once while this was going on as he stressed how CVA was in selfish mode and basically was saying to me I had screwed up and it was pretty much my fault. THe last time I talked to him he brought up paying either he or someone else a bunch of money to help me??? It left a bad taste in my mouth so I have not talked to him since.

Anyway, we talked about this (why I hadnt talked to him), I gave her a bit of background as noted above and she seemed pretty interested in all this. I think she was sensing I had taken it ALL wrong. Told her this happened after the last time too, i.e. he had asked for money. So this time it just hit me wrong.

Anyway, I got away from the issue. Thinking I might need to call the pastor now and see what he knows although I definitely need to think about it.

I also told her that all the C I am doing is for me as I recently realized I have some things I still need to work on. Specifically told her people have told me some of my comments lately still have an undercurrent of anger and that I did not want to be that person, regardless of anyone else.