But doesn't your wife likely view it the same way??
You have set the conditions and now started an endless blame game. Why would we assume that SHE should meet your needs first (unconditionally), while you get to wait and see if she "merits" QT/desire (conditional)?
If she doesn't merit QT, then why should you merit desire? Think about it. She might see your WOA, AOS or QT as PROOF of your desire for her just as you see touching and ML as PROOF of her desire for you. Again I understand it's really hard to see that your love languages actually SHOW the same emotion and desire in different ways. You think that it is "crazy" for her to see AOS for you as desire but maybe that is how she is showing her love and instead of appreciating it, you despise it. I know it would hurt me deeply if my BF did not appreciate my efforts WHATEVER they may be.
Here is a complete guess at Mrs Cemar: For 2 years before and 2 years after marriage you and she love each other and ML almost every day. Each of you thinks that the other loves them unconditionally. Then you and Mrs. have a baby AND Mrs. is diagnosed with Hypothyroid. She, along with MANY other symptoms, physically does not feel up to sex. From her POV, you immediately start moping and pouting about YOUR lack of sex. Here she is PHYSICALLY ILL and the love of her life only seems to care that his life is changed. Did you empathize with her and her changes? She enjoys having a clean house because a dirty house reminds her of her unpleasant childhood. So she does make an effort at keeping the house clean. Rather than understanding why a clean house has such importance to her you view it as freakin' stupid waste of time. Again you denigrate her needs and feelings as unimportant and stupid. You view it as why in the world does she have this idiotic POV when she should be taking care of your needs. IF she does indeed feel that you do not empathize with her feelings and issues, why would she feel desirous of you? As soon as she was ill, you chose to not desire HER as your wife. You only desired her conditionally when she was healthy.
Really I just feel sorry for you and pity you.
But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads? ~Albert Camus
