But if you continue to ask for it, honestly, and your partner cannot or will not give it to you... then
Well, then that is a different conversation. Sure, if your SO is not forthcoming with things that you ask for in a straightforward way, that is a problem, but the problem is not your "neediness."
The conversation has changed midstream from apples to bicycles. (Sorry for the mixed metaphor.)
I thought the original question was "is a compliment worth anything if you have to ask for it."
I think it is.
Today I did something nice for my bf (for him to discover later in the day after he left my house), and when he called me this evening, he was telling me about his busy and hectic day. He didn't mention the nice thing spontaneously, but when I asked him about it, he was very sweet, grateful, and made an appropriate fuss. I didn't feel the compliment was insincere because I asked for it.
Well, then that is a different conversation. Sure, if your SO is not forthcoming with things that you ask for in a straightforward way, that is a problem, but the problem is not your "neediness."
The conversation has changed midstream from apples to bicycles. (Sorry for the mixed metaphor.)
I thought the original question was "is a compliment worth anything if you have to ask for it."
I think it is.
Today I did something nice for my bf (for him to discover later in the day after he left my house), and when he called me this evening, he was telling me about his busy and hectic day. He didn't mention the nice thing spontaneously, but when I asked him about it, he was very sweet, grateful, and made an appropriate fuss. I didn't feel the compliment was insincere because I asked for it.
If it happens one time, or every now and then... you can get away with it, which I believe I stated earlier.
But let's say you asked for the compliment, and he kind of blew you off.... or in any event, you didn't get the response you were hoping for. Or let's say you did get the response you were hoping for... regardless... if YOU are the one constantly seeking compliments, constantly prompting him, over time, your asking for compliments is going to come across as neediness. You are going to rob him of the joy of giving you a compliment because you are always circumventing the process.
A guy who is that cold is not failing to give you compliments because of YOUR neediness... he's just a jerk.
The key word is "constantly" on both sides. If he's constantly refusing and you're constantly asking, there's a problem unrelated to neediness. If he's withholding deliberately just because you're asking, that's a problem. If you need tons more reassurance than a reasonable ("normal" in disguise) amount, there is a problem.
I'm talking about asking for a compliment/validation in a vacuum, irrespective of other conditions. There's nothing intrinsically wrong with it (in absolute terms).
Don't forget that how you say things is at least/probably more important than what is being said. Imagine "How Do I Look?" being said the way that Ginger on Gilligan's Island would say it(like in a throaty "I know I look good" kind of way). Some femme fatales might even say, "You can tell me how hot I look now" as they get ready to go out for the evening. Compliments can be requested - they may not given and it is some combintation of factors of style, frequency, intent, degree of neediness and reaction to rebuff that will determine how unattractive that asking really is.
This summer I have spent some time watching random teen/young adults interact at the pool, beach, whatever. There is a certain style to the way they deal with each other that has a degree of "Please notice me" that is not unappealing. Over time it could become burdensome but my overall feeling is "It depends".
Yesterday I get home from work and my wife was getting changed and asks me if I thought she still had a nice bum. I didn't answer her, instead I just walked over to the curtains and closed them and proceeded to gently bend her over the couch.
