It feels a bit like I'm preparing for my life as I imagined I would when the kids were out of the house, and I'm kind of getting a jump on that now, which can only be good. Part of me is afraid that as I grow, I'll become a person he honestly doesn't want to be with, and/or that I won't want him, but I'm trying not to go there right now. It has to be for me, mostly anyway, right now.
Lots of good advice above. The above quote from you jumped out at me, Puddle. You're absolutely right. It seems to me that by growing, especially, when only one of us is still invested in the R, we risk growing apart. Also, as you move along this path, you'll begin to look at your H with more of a critical eye and realize that HE is going to have to make some changes to make you happy too. You mentioned exactly that somewhere, you like to talk and your H considers it 'babbling about unimportant things.'
That doesn't remove the present onus of working on the M from us, but be aware that a growing realization of what your really need from your R, and a more clear-eyed look at your spouse's flaws, are in your future. I know that's true for me. I'm still mostly in 'Damn, just give this R another shot' mentality right now, but am really beginning to understand that my W needs to give me more than she has.
You do sound great though. I'm with you, this place has been a real sanity-saver for me.
It will get better,
BD
My latest
Me: 36 W: 35 2 D: 9 and 5 T: 16 years M: 12 10/4/06: Bomb 10/5/06: Ended A 4/22/07: ILYBNILWY
