New to DB, need guidance

[alk24]

One other thought is that D14 might be saying these things as a defense mechanism to hide the hurt of her dad leaving.

You could be right. I should probably be getting both of them into counseling for all this. Their father is getting married again in May to a woman he's only known a couple of months. Oh and did I mention his divorce from wife #2 was final in Dec? They've got a lot going on in their little lives.

[Heimlich]

Parenting is a lot of instinct and differences of parenting/degrees of punishment do vary, but can cause lots of tension. Did he ever talk calmly with you about these differences or try to work them out or was it always a heated argument. I'm from the south as well, so I'm going to make the guess that he's a 'spare the rod, spoil the child' sort of guy and you're not? I hate that type of thinking. My kids get the occassional swat on the backside but it's rare.

Has he been an OK father to them?

So many intertwined issues here, hard to tease them out. I'm totally blanking, but you have kids with him, does he treat them differently than the step kids?

I guess, despite different styles of how to raise kids, especially girls, do you still want to be with him? Your Ds will only be in the house a while longer.

And for him to say he never felt like a parent because he didn't get to discipline them the way he wanted is a pseudo-copout to me.

[alk24]

Parenting is a lot of instinct and differences of parenting/degrees of punishment do vary, but can cause lots of tension. Did he ever talk calmly with you about these differences or try to work them out or was it always a heated argument. I'm from the south as well, so I'm going to make the guess that he's a 'spare the rod, spoil the child' sort of guy and you're not? I hate that type of thinking. My kids get the occassional swat on the backside but it's rare.

I have spanked them before, but not as often as he thought was necessary.

Has he been an OK father to them?

yes he has been ok, and I think if we had the right relationship (centered around God) that things would "fall into place" and he'd be a great father.

So many intertwined issues here, hard to tease them out. I'm totally blanking, but you have kids with him, does he treat them differently than the step kids?

We don't have children together.

I guess, despite different styles of how to raise kids, especially girls, do you still want to be with him? Your Ds will only be in the house a while longer.

That's the 20K question. I don't know if I feel the way I feel b/c he's with OW or b/c I really love him and want to be with him.

And for him to say he never felt like a parent because he didn't get to discipline them the way he wanted is a pseudo-copout to me.

I feel the same way, he did share in all the decision making for the girls.

[alk24]

Totally O/T but could someone tell me how to put a link in my sig?

Sorry to be a dummy, but I just can't get it to work.

[Not Much Left]

[url=http://Copy and paste your web address to your thread here]NAME YOUR THREAD HERE[/url]

[alk24]

thanks!

How are you?

[Not Much Left]

Im OK. Thanks for asking. Probably cuz I will see my kids (and W) tomorrow. Right now sort of doing my usual waiting to take a shower after a long day so I dont miss the kids call.

[alk24]

I hope tomorrow goes well for you.

I'm going on day 10 of no contact. I figure the next call I get will be about the D papers. I think he's doing it online so it won't cost as much. I'm kind of dreading it.

[Not Much Left]

Mandi
Thanks for that.

Really on the papers, do you know for sure or are you speculating?

[alk24]

Well, before I started DBing I told him that we could file w/out lawyers and sent him a link. The last time I asked about it (3 weeks ago) he said that he hadn't done it b/c of finances.

He called this morning b/c he was behind me on the way to work. He told me he had some mail for me and he would get it to me.