hey cat, thanks for encouragement. How the heck do I start over with being friends with him first? He is so hard to talk to. We talk about mundane things, like who is getting voted off of big brother, or who is gonna win hell's kitchen (rock), or a safe subject is our son, usually.
You say your H is in law enforcement, too? what does he do? Mine has been a cop for about twelve yrs. That job really changed him, and naturally he kept some of the gory details from me, not all of them, but then he started acting secretive about minor things, and then about the big things. This morning, I asked out of the blue about an old woman who used to call for him at the desk all the time, until he got a cell phone, and I was just wondering, and he said how strange it was that I remember her name, and that he had never mentioned it, but he mentioned another old woman's name that he said he told me always called him, but he had never mentioned her to me before. It was just so stupid, but he became secretive about something as dumb as that, and I don't care if old ladies are calling him, as long as they are not related to that ho ow. He said I was looking through his stuff, and found her name, but I remember names, especially now. Anyway, it was stupid, and I will not comment on it to him, any further, because his response was so uncalled for.
On Sunday, at church, we had a sermon on betrayal, and the preacher asked if anyone had ever had anyone betray them. My neck muscles were straining mightily not to turn to look at my H. I stared a hole in the preacher. He said did the person who betrayed you think you would be able to trust them again. He did mention marriage, but went in a different direction after, so I was able to unclench and relax. This Sunday we will have a guest preacher come to give our lesson, so I bet H will find a way to get an extra job for that morning.
you know I don't know how to put this, but when H and I ML or have sex or what ever it is now to him, he has gotten to where he is very conscious of where his semen goes, and takes great pains not to get it near me, because he is afraid I will get pregnant. I told him that he knew how difficult it is for me to get pregnant, and that especially now. But it's like he is obsessed with it. so, he will catch it in his hands, like he has to protect it, and told me last year that he is afraid I will get knocked up and "trap" him. I guess I should get him some condoms, and tell him to stop the bullcrap. I just get the feeling that if I were somehow to get pregnant, it would spoil his plans he had or has to run off with that skank. He started doing this a couple of yrs ago, which would coincide with the start of his EA.
Well, now he has, according to his last reading, stage 2 hypertension, and doesn't want to go on medication, has high blood sugar, but not yet diabetes, and who knows what else. He goes back to the dr. next month, and the doc will try to get him to go on meds for his bp, but H thinks it is only old people who need meds. He probably is at risk for a stroke, and if he doesn't stop this crap he is doing, he will probably have one. or a heart attack. Oh well, I told him I would do what I could to help him get his weight down, I already cook healthy meals, and send him healthy stuff in his lunch, so it is when he comes home and eats, or goes out during work to eat, I can't help that, and he will say I sabotage his diet, but he likes large portions, and if I give him a little, he wants more, if I give him a lot, he says I sabotage him. He's the one who quit exercising, but says I made him quit, saying I would say when he got up at 5 am to run, I would snuggle up and say oh don't go. But, I told him I didn't tie him up and force him to stay and sleep longer!! Shoot, I need to get up and exercise, too. But, not in this freaking heat wave!!
Hey j, 25yrs, where the heck is your thread????????
