Kevin:

My affair actually lasted physically from Feb 06 to Aug 06; emotionally I really wasn't done until March of this year.

I know she seems irrational to you, but it's all sane to her. When I was irrational, I could easily justify it all to myself, but it gets harder over time. It can be a costly lesson, but I'm pretty sure she'll get it.

"Destiny" was my favorite cop-out. I was "meant" to be with my OM, he was my "soulmate". It relieves her responsibility; it's all beyond her control. It's all part of the fantasy; no lie can last forever. But as long as it lasts, she'll cling to it with everything she has.

Honestly, my H couldn't have changed my mind with a two-by-four :). He was just there, always saying he didn't want a divorce, but firm that he didn't want anything to do with me until I came home and left OM for good. He (almost)always kept his cool, even when I was screaming at him, which frustrated and confused me but also set off some common sense saying I was acting childish. Try very hard not to use words that hurt...you'll regret them later, even if she deserves them or they are true. My husband, in one of the rare moments he fought back verbally, called me a slut - which was true, but it hurt very deeply and makes it harder for me to forgive myself. he feels very guilty about it and has told me over and over how sorry he is, but you can't unsay the things that hurt. \:\( Try to keep it in mind.

There is nothing you guys have to feel is too personal to ask - that's why I'm here. And yes, it was hard to walk away from a goodlooking man (he is, but so is my husband) and a fantasy life. It was hard to go back to my husband and ask his forgiveness, to admit I was wrong. I still hurt sometimes with the remorse; I cry, I tell my husband how lucky I am, I can't look myself in the eye when I pass a mirror. But healing is an ongoing process, and my husband is there every step of the way.

The grass may be greener, but then again, it may also be astroturf.
~Amy C Brown