Read your post and responded somewhat but it would help if you could do more reading asap.
How much do you put up with? How much do you want it? Is it one of your goals and are you prepared to be patient, patient, patient?
Yes it feels abusive sometimes and yes it is abusive but believe me once you start working on yourself and becoming yourself independently of your H then your perspective shifts. You'll see H for the pathetic, needy wimp he is and like me, even feel sorry for him and wonder why you want him.
Then YOU feel empowered and strong and they notice! None of this will make much sense to you until you start reading and using some of the techniques suggested.
