Trying to set those goals!

[Trixi]

I think I didn't explain my volunteer face properly.
I made the face initially when he said he wanted to volunteer; it wasn't the right response, I know. I guess it's disappointing to have your spouse do the things you had wanted to do together and they resisted.
When he said that we could do it together, I don't think that was his original intention at all. I think it was a "spur of the moment, maybe this will make her feel better" offer. The volunteer comment was mentioned by him because of a related topic I had brought up. IOW, he did not say to me "Hey, I was thinking of volunteering-maybe that's something we could do together." If he had, the only 'face' would have been a smile on mine.

I'm not going to bring it up again, but if he does ask in the future, I will consider it.

Since he is making an effort to feel totally separated so that he can date/have sex with someone else, what am I supposed to do with that? I am certainly not going to ask him out on a date; Oh, and I think he said that he wasn't sure that he and I should be going out on dates because he wanted to feel like we were completely split up. Seems like he has already figured out how to accomplish his goal and recognizes that being in contact with me will hamper that.

Another thing he said that offends the he11 out of me "I totally believe in the Secret and am open to seeing what will come to me." It offends me because he could have used 'the Secret' to help create whatever it was that was missing in our marriage. But no, he is using it to go and try to find someone new. I am not jumping to conclusions on that one; during our up and down times he had said that "maybe there is someone better out there." He clarified that he didnt mean better *than* me, just better *for* him.

I guess when I say "going dark", I just mean that I will not initiate any conversations, I will keep them short, and I will not be here when he comes over unless I am in the middle of something related to my businesses. I don't see how I can possibly stop this train; he wants to feel like we're totally broken up - how in the world can *I* put the brakes on that?