Honestly, the "wake up" came when I hit bottom, and not before. I was arrested on a totally unrelated incident and my OM was nowhere to be seen. He didn't call or ask about my son (which he'd always done before). But my H, who had every reason to walk away for good, was right there for me, going so far as to get on a bus and travel 2 days to visit me in jail (he's stationed in Louisiana, I was in nebraska).
Now, I doubt that her rock bottom will be jail, but there is that crucial moment when he will suddenly not be there, and she will begin to see the lie for what it is.
YES! I knew all along how much I was hurting the man who loves me. but we lie loudly to ourselves, saying the divorce would be for our spouse's good, that we just want to let them be happy with someone else too. Believe me, the remorse I feel now is with me every day, and I see my H as the amazing man he is. I took him for granted and nearly got what I deserved. But she knows, even if your W tries to deny it. The apologies tell me it's eating at her already. She's clinging to an image that is already losing its luster; don't give up now! the justification, the cavalier attitude, the effusive praise of your new life changes - it's a mask. Really, truly. Somewhere inside her is a voice already begging to come home. Maybe she's proud, definitely she doesn't want to let the fantasy die, but she is hurting.
The grass may be greener, but then again, it may also be astroturf. ~Amy C Brown
