actually Amy I agree with you on your POV regarding going home. He knows you're struggling financially. You don't want him thinking that's the reason you want to come back home.
....Understand, that I can't, not be what I am I'm not the milk, and Cheerios in your spoon ~ Avril Lavigne ~ ..."Nobody's Fool"...
Okay, right oh. I would definately not recommend grovelling, begging, etc. I like a more bold approach. "Hey, I'm surviving just fine H. I'll thrive with or without you. But I really want you, and I need you too." Definately a strong approach, not weak or needy, YUK!
It sounds to me like you've basically given up on any kind of reconciliation. I guess I have a hard time with the quit part. I'm kind of stupid that way. Can't seem to find the brains to quit anything so I keep getting the crap beat out of me. Keep sticking my neck out and getting my head bit off. Strange thing is though, I usually end up with the prize.
Never quit, never give up, never say never, never loose faith. They'll have to kill me to get me to give up. I'll fight till the last breath, bleed my last drop on this battlefield. And they'll scrape my dead body up and throw me in a dumpster before they see me quit.
Amen to the struggle, God bless this fierce battle. One more day, just get us through one more day. Our blessings abound, may we have eyes to see them.
Love you girl!
COG
My Story http://www.divorcebusting.com/forum...&Number=660444&page=2#Post660444
just making an attempt to offer positive thoughts and maybe suggestions your way.
I understand that it is extremely tough on you.... hell it is for us all. Venting is good for a little internal cleansing.
It seems tho... that in the last few posts that have been in response to me have been just a little cranky.... don't know why , but whatever...... I've only tried to be friendly.
Well I never thought I'd see this day. Since I was 10 years old my parents have never agreed on anything. The last thing they DID agree on was to get a divorce.
How friggin ironic is it that my mother just echoed my father's opinion. She said I need to file.
She got a bit crappy about my husband. Brought up the past, as if I don't recall it. She talked about the early years in the apartment when he drank so much and gave me $100/wk to buy groceries/gas/household products.
I said "You know, Mom, just because Jeff didn't take me back doesn't make him a bad person...".
Perhaps it doesn't make him a coward either.
Maybe he's just a man that was forced out of love.
well, it does seem like an easy way out.... no one said that life was easy though.
look, this is obiviously on your mind. when you think about it, think about the last 6 months also. you guys all kissing and stuff and all that. maybe you should just ask him whats up. something like, "hey, are we getting divorced or am i suppose to keep holding out hope?" "am i your girl or are we friends or what?" ask him to tell you what his expectations of your relationship are. be direct and to the point and accept the answer he gives, no matter if it is what you want to hear or not. you basicly need to tell him to $#!t or get off the pot..... then you will know
Last edited by blyndfaith; 08/15/0703:56 AM.
I don't care what you think, as long as it's about me.
"....Listening to that voice with great inner attentiveness, I hear at my center words that say: 'I have called you by name, from the very beginning. You are mine and I am yours. You are my Beloved, on you my favor rests. I have molded you in the depths of the earth and knitted you together in your mother's womb. I have carved you in the palms of my hands and hidden you in the shadow of my embrace. I look at you with infinite tenderness and care for you with a care more intimate than that of a mother for her child. I have counted every hair on your head and guided you at every step. Wherever you go, I go with you and wherever you rest, I keep watch. I will give you food that will satisfy all your hunger and drink that will quench all your thirst. I will not hide my face from you. You know me as your own and I know you as my own. You belong to me...'".
I cried so much that now I just have to go to sleep.
Well I never thought I'd see this day. Since I was 10 years old my parents have never agreed on anything. The last thing they DID agree on was to get a divorce.
How friggin ironic is it that my mother just echoed my father's opinion. She said I need to file.
She got a bit crappy about my husband. Brought up the past, as if I don't recall it. She talked about the early years in the apartment when he drank so much and gave me $100/wk to buy groceries/gas/household products.
I said "You know, Mom, just because Jeff didn't take me back doesn't make him a bad person...". True. Perhaps it doesn't make him a coward either. True again, I think. If he was a coward he'd have quit a long time ago. Maybe he's just a man that was forced out of love. He lost a lot. And maybe it is just too much for him. But like you said, it doesn't make him a bad person, or a coward. Maybe a human, like you.
I think blynd may have it right. What have you really got to lose by just putting it out there? What's the worst thing that can happen? In any case, he's still got some responsibility for the kids, and I expect he wants to meet it. Amy, I think it might be a fine line between proving you can stand on your own, and pride. I'm not saying you've gone there, just to think about it. I'm going to edit this in a minute, and bring in something I think you wrote earlier today, where I think you projected expectation on Jeff....be right back.....
OK, here it is: I don't think he will believe I really love him and want to come back home until he sees me standing on my own and STILL loving HIM.
Since I can't stand on my own, he'd never believe that wasn't the main factor for me wanting to come back.
I understand what you are saying here, but at the same time, maybe it isn't that as much as you think. You don't strike me as one who is needy and 'dependent'. Maybe you can combine what COG and Blynd said, and go back looking like you can do it (and if you have to, you know you will, 'cause you are, after all, AmyC). But try to nudge him off center a bit. It seems to me that there a plenty of signs that he wants it to work, maybe he just needs to get nudged into saying it.
Heck, I don't know. I just hate to see you, and your kids, hurting.....
How friggin ironic is it that my mother just echoed my father's opinion. She said I need to file.
I guess it is ironic, but it certainly should be no surprise. Your parents both love you, and neither of them wants to see you suffer. The only way they see you pinning your H down to alimony and child support is to file. Then you'll be taken care of financially, at least you'll have a legal contract. Then they'll feel better, more secure that you'll be taken care of. It's their own comfort, and need to know you're safe that motivates them. They're parents, and that's what parents do best.
For the most part I agree with them. My guess is the courts would likely require your H to pay you something. You'd know this better than I. My question is though, is there any other way to get some help from him.
Are you too proud to ask H for help, but not to proud to file?
Will filing take you closer to your goals?
What are your goals right now?
What does your heart tell you to do?
I stayed in my hopeless M for four years, separate, dark, and in pain. W could'nt say she loved me, she gave me not one ounce of hope for our M. And that went on for about four long years. At one point she had even made up her mind to D, and "her heart was at peace with it".
I'm here to say that things change AmyC, people change, miracles DO happen. Last night W and I cuddled before sleep. We both came to tears at how blessed our lives are. Not perfect mind you, but truly blessed. I could not have said that three years ago, quite the opposite. I wanted to be dead, prayed for death to come in the night, almost every night.
There's a purpose and a reason and a season for all things. Embrace your struggle, find the light, stand the tall and fearless. Think in terms of when and how, not then and could have. You are on the cusp of change AmyC. You will not be in this darkness forever, the light will shine on you again for sure, but you have to believe. Faith, courage, stay the course, throw caution to the wind, fear nothing, hate nothing, relish in the life you have, and screw the bill collector's. Stay in the moment, forget the past, let the future handle itself.
Hand over your pride. Put you short skirt on, and go get your man. There are no short cuts, no majic bullets, and not many road signs. It's desire that will fuel your way, faith that will carry you, and courage that will lead your fight.
God Bless you AmyC,
Love,
COG
My Story http://www.divorcebusting.com/forum...&Number=660444&page=2#Post660444
Cog - can you stop by my thread and update me on what happened with your sitch? Would you have reconciled if you had been divorced? Did you see any chance of hope? Thanks.
....Understand, that I can't, not be what I am I'm not the milk, and Cheerios in your spoon ~ Avril Lavigne ~ ..."Nobody's Fool"...
