ah penny. you just really need to do whatever you can to try not to think of him.
something i have been doing the last couple days, is when I start hurting and going over all the things, etc and/or start missing him and thinking about the man I married, and not the man he has become, is this. I start to think of all the things I no longer have to deal with because he is not here. All the things that used to drive me crazy about him, because I know for a fact he was not perfect and I need to do that to bust that crazy idea I get that he was. I start thinking positive things about myself and why I deserve someone who can live up to my standards and expectations. How I need someone with morals and someone who will not just run away from their problems. I try to step outside myself and look at the situation like an outsider and look at myself and him, and try to think what others would tell me to do.
I know your H is still there, but you can still do this, take care of yourself, focus on yourself and just let him deal with his own self. Let him learn from natural consequences. It is no different when we have to let our kids learn the hard way, that is what you need to do. Yes, he may never figure it out, and yes you may never get your marriage back, but it will give you the strength to know that you tried, you bettered yourself and that you deserve better, and things happen for a reason.
