I'm just venting I guess. I am trying so hard to detach. as I told Cali my sil saw him and ow in the stands Saturday night. then he was with her all day Sunday. He went over to oldest s last night for a visit for a while and then this morning shows up at the house while I'm at work to spend the day with Youngest S on his day off since he is going back to college on Sunday. He called to see if he could start the sprinklers for me but I have a guy working on the barn so I can store some stuff out of the storage units in there. He acts so concerned but so distant like I don't want you but what can I do for you and then he wants me to do things for him. I feel I should just tell him to take what clothes he has left and leave. But I have to have the contact over all this business stuff til it is settled. He was saying yesterday we can might have this chance at this business deal. My Mil told me we were going to get their place to run which is nice but since he is seeing the OW he won't get anything if he leaves me. It was his dream once to have the place. He really thinks in this midlife crisis that I think is going on he needs a new life. But in the back of his mind he still wants us as it was. That he provided a good living for me what more do I want. Why am I so weak when it comes to detaching. You see and hear people walk a way all the time how do they get the mind set to do it. Is it that I was raised to care about someone else's feelings and the bad thing I raised my boys that way. Sometimes after I have gone thru this I wonder if that was a good idea to not had them be a little selfish. I think I always read into his actions a little hope when there was none. He doesn't want to try. In his mind he tried but it wasn't the right way he tried to control how we did things so we did it the way he wanted. He said who knows maybe in the future he will get back together again. It might be a cold day in hell before that will happen. I don't think he will ever realize how bad he has hurt me. And by dragging this on for the last 5 years making me think there was hope instead of divorcing me but wanting me to divorce him so he wouldn't look bad. I am just having a tough time today. One thing that has really helped is Cali posting on detaching. I keep going back to that.
