I need to update

[COG]

AmyC,

Time for James 1:2. I don't know how many hundreds of times I read that when I was in the darkness, and it always gave me hope.

It may not be the best idea to just pack up your stuff and try to move home. But maybe a comprimise on your dad's idea, take the first step. Be honest with your H. Open up to him, allow yourself to be vulnerable, and ask of him what you want. You may get shot down a hundred times before he begins to believe it is truly what you want, and not just a whim because you're in trouble.

I know you've been at this for a long time, but I've still got you beat by a long time. W and I were separated for FOUR years remember? Eventually things just clicked, snapped into place. As bad as things are, you've got to keep fighting. Wipe the blood off your face, and get back into the ring. Fear, despair, anxiety, are the tools of that lying dog to hold you back, keep you down. Look the enemy square in the eye and banish him from your heart, from your mind, from your home, and from all things that are part of you. May fear NEVER shackle you.

You may see this struggle as one for money, for relationship, for worldly possesions, but it is much deeper, much more spiritual than that. We both know this is a battle for the soul, for eternity. Courage, strength, and faith, these are from God. You have a fire in you that burns strong and fierce. Use that fire to FIGHT!!!

You are tired, your are down, you are low. It's very understandable given your circumstances. It's hard to have energy for anything. Honestly I'm glad that it's not ME in your position. I don't know if I could handle it any better than you have.

I want you to pick up the phone and call your H. I want you to tell him you love him, you need him, and you want him. I want you to apologize, again, for all that you did to hurt him, and that you'll NEVER do it again. Do this, and expect nothing back from him. Do it over and over again until the ice block crumbles.

God Bless You AmyC.

Love,

COG