Was your M a farce? - Nope. But we don't dwell on the past unless it's to identify R breakers which we might get a chance to address one day which could be way off.
What you know in your heart - most of us know that's why we're here but your W doesn't care at the moment and doesn't want to know.
You must try and focus on today and on yourself. Take baby steps first. It's hard to do but it gets easier.
