PA? MLC? Please shed a light

[Hope_11]

Pickled,
Wow, you are the second person in the last week that posted about your H having an A after a failed IVF. I'm in the same boat, and I've been entangled in his A for 10 months, so I will try to help. I just want to say from the bottom of my heart that I am sorry that you are going through this. Unless you go through it yourself, people don't understand the pain, sadness, and disappointment of not being able to get pregnant. It is absolutely horrible and then to top it off...a marriage falling apart because of it is the worst thing that I have ever been through. H and I had a failed IVF cycle in 7/06 and he started his A in 10/06. He told me about her in 11/06, so I knew early on sort of like your sitch. He did not deal with the baby stuff at all...he wanted a baby and he wanted it now. It didn't happen, so he found something to take his mind off of it, OW. OW is a crazy, conniving, manipulative woman, so my sitch may be the extreme. She convinced him to buy a house with her after knowing her for 1 1/2 months. The rest is history...he just kept digging himself deeper and each time thought he took it too far to change anything. In my heart, I know my H does not want to be divorced...he loves me. He screwed up and can't face his own demons. He is too hung up on the pride. He destroyed our marriage. He is still with OW...I think that she thinks they are going to get married and have the children that we couldn't...I don't think he thinks the same.

I understand the need to know if the his affair is an EA or PA. If I was you I would assume the worst and hope for the best. If I had to guess...it's a PA. His behavior is similar to my H's...distant, blaming me, etc. My H confessed to me, so I really can't help you with finding out.

Okay, so to lend a little advice from what I learned from my mess. Your H is going to do what he is going to do and you can't change it. Go out and get your life back...then decide if you want to end your marriage or not. My biggest mistake was spending too much time worrying about H and how the things I did would affect everything. I should have started GALing in December, maybe my sitch would have changed. When H senses me moving on, he usually attempts to pull me back somehow. Don't worry too much about what your H tells you. My H had his mind made up in a few weeks that he was moving to be with OW. Since then, he has wanted to come back home multiple times...he just isn't man enough to fix things with me. It doesn't have anything to do with me...all to do with him. His character is flawed...he is broken. I hope your H isn't like mine. I hope he will step back and realize that you are a great woman that you are struggling with the same issues that he is and that your marriage is worth saving. Start tomorrow...or today yet if you have the energy. Your marriage can survive this. Oh and by the way, you aren't crazy....none of us LBS are...our WAS just make us think we are.