I would have liked what I think has been referred to here as "the wolf" to show up in my bed, almost a way to work out my anger, some go jogging or punch a boxing bag... me I wanted to well you know. But my mind said if I did that then H would think I was OK with what happened and it was a truce and I was not ready to call a truce,(or as NJ stated I wasn't pyschologically ready) I didn't not attack as punishment to him cuz I am pretty sure he could of cared less or he would have initiated, it was a fear that my actions would be misinterpreted. Does that make any sense?
It does to me.
When I was with xBF we would from time to time have angry sex. It was obvious that he was angry with me or I with him or both and we would f*ck each other hard. It was a different kind of sex, but still good and did not necessarily mean we had called a truce. Quite often it'd be a race to get your rocks off first to spite the other one. Which usually did mean that it would happen together and then we'd be horny to do it again. (Ah youth!)
One time I tried to get my H into that mindset but I don't think he got it. He definitely tends to think of sex as being making lurve rather than for any other reason. Sheesh if he used sex to get rid of angry feelings I'd be getting it morning, noon and night!
I have also been in the place where I have turned H down for make-up sex. As in not feeling ready to forgive him. That turned out to be a useful thing to do and got us into a deeper conversation that wasn't too heated.
Fran
if we can be sufficient to ourselves, we need fear no entangling webs Erica Jong
