Separated from WAW

[dlt1]

Thanks Chele,
Yeah, I am going to need thsi week (at least) to just find my way back to a better place. Am meeting our friends whose wedding W and I first got together tonight. They just happen to be in town. Told W Sunday that I would let her know when & where we're mtg if she wants to join. She appreciated that and said she did not if you should would go, but wanted me to let her know. So, if she does show up, I have a chance to put that big smile back on and act as if. I'm certainly not going to mope in front of her. I know if I have any chance at that small sliver of hope left, I gotta DB to the tilt. It may actually be good if she comes, b/c then I won't let myself be an emotional wreck with the out in public. I can't seem to talk about the sitch w/out the tears coming out. A very new and strange thing. I've always been in control (b/c I bottled them up and rationalized them away), so now everything is letting loose and I am not at a point that I can moderate anything yet.
The next interaction for me shoudl be Saturday. I let W know that she should call me later this week to set up a time fro me to come by. I have to pay bills, remove my computer and a few other items, as it is time for me to get more comfortable in my new residence. I had just taked the bare neccessities when I hoped it would be short term. I am also giving her all the utility bills so she can switch them to her name. And we will beging talking about some financial things. That should be plenty for one day. I'll probably also take her around the house to make sure she knows of some of the little maintenance things I always just took care of. I plan on no R talk whatsoever, unless she brings it up. If so, just listen and offer my side if she asks, short answers at that. I definitely went from offering my feelings to harping on her this past Sunday. I have to look and act as if I have accepted thsi and am moving on. I am trying to identify a few key items that I can remove from the house which will perhaps realy the idea to her that we are now in the process of tearing down what we built together.
I am not going to bring up a future date to come back and go through the house to determine what each of us will keep. She must be the one to suggest this and contact me about it. I really hope I can beging to detach just a bit. I am accepting the fact that this is where we're at. I don;t want to hold on to that thread of hope. I know it is there, and I will gran it if she ectends it, but I can;t hold onto that if I want to move on and work on finding myeself again. I have no idea what I am going to do to keep busy. I always had things around the house to do. Or often just enjoyed sitting in the room with W. I lost my zeal for cooking (as my appetite is next to nothing now). I know I need to find that again, but think that is a ways off. I will need to get more comfortable at my current house and with my roommate so that I feel I am more than a guest. I think that will help me have a sense of home slowly. I just feel lost right now.
I hope everyone else is well. Have not had time or energy to catch up. Writing here is relieving for me, even if I am just rambling at points.