Thank each and every one of you for your posts that culminated in locking my last thread. Also, thank those of you who wanted to post but couldn't because the thread was already locked. Every one of you have made me feel so good after reading your support, I actually had to fight off the tears (and am still doing so).
I appreciate all of you so much -- you have truly been here for me of late and have made me feel so loved and special I can't even describe it. You are all extremely wonderful people, and I am in debt to you for both your recent and long standing support.
Thank You!
I really am down in the dumps, and didn't really have enough time to deal with the let down before going to dance. However, dancing kept my mind 100% occupied for the next 4 hours. Now, I'm back to the reality of this thing, and am pretty sick to my stomach. I know I should've been more prepared for the rejection than I was. Sadly, I lead myself to believe that my W was actually going to either think about it without giving me an answer tonight, or she was going to say OK. I was in denial of what I was/am truly up against. She does not love me. Period. This is something I must now accept. I don't think there ever were any seeds of doubt planted. I think I fooled myself into believing it, and paid the price for allowing myself to do so.
Trust me, I do know that I will be "better than okay," and that time will heal the wound that has been reopened. It's just so damn hard right at this moment, and I simply need to grieve and move on.
It is W's loss, and I really do know that. It is my loss too, but she really doesn't know (or believe) what I've come to understand and change about myself. She has not worked on herself at all, and though I miss her and love her deeply, I'm not so sure I would be happy in the long run being with her in this state. If she were to come back to me, she would be guaranteed to get a man that is conscious of her needs and willing to do his upmost to meet those needs and keep her love tank full on a consistent basis. However, I'm guessing that I wouldn't receive the same in return (at least any time soon), and I don't know if I could ever actually be happy with her again.
We'll see what the coming months and even years will bring. I know that I previously said that my DB line in the sand is drawn at the point where W actually remarries. I do want the line to be there still, but I'm really going to focus on moving on myself now. If the chance emerges again someday, great. If not, I'll be okay because I will have completely detached and moved on. I am going to completely detach now. I'm will keep up my changes in communication with her simply because it is the right thing to do, but I will not focus on trying to win her back anymore. I will not make any efforts to manipulate her into wanting me back. I will just be me and live the life that I want to live without concern to how she feels about it (unless it has something to do with the kids). I'm done trying to save my M or R now. I'm cutting my losses here and saving myself from anymore pain.
I'll post some more about the talk tomorrow sometime, but am going to go to bed now. I'm sorry that I haven't followed through with staying on top of all of your posts. As I end my chapter on this DBing adventure, I will surely find more time to focus on all of yours. I have found too much support and help on these boards to walk away now. I will continue to be here because it gives me strength and helps me to be who I want to be. I love you all, and promise that once I get my sh!t together and wrap up my M and D, I'll once again begin reciprocating all of the support you have provided for me.
Thanks again everyone! My new dance is about to begin -- now I just need to come up with a name for it...
GD I did not get to say how I grieve for you. I know this can happen to any one of us, so to hear how it went down affects us all. Having said that, you really sound like you will be OK. Your very young (compared to me!) and a huge, wonderful life ahead of you. Make it happen every day. Dont get to 44 and wonder why you wasted so many years. Get to my age and look back (that is 16 yrs of living bud) and give it your best shot.
Be a great dad. YOu will find someone who appreciates you. Having said that too, you never know what might happen w/ your W, but lets just put that thought on hold...
Good luck C
Me: 46 Wife: 39 D: 13 S: 11, 9, 7 Bomb 3.2.07, Sep Same Day, D papers 11.1.07 Current Status - Wants to take me through Discovery, I will go to prison first.
N, you have a Plan (still). You are STILL in control of your life. I really liked Donna's dance analogy (on your locked thread). You don't NEED a dance partner; you don't need this particular dance partner. In fact, the way things stand, I think W would be much like Dena who, at closer look, didn't really measure up to your talents.
Believe. Things happen for a reason.
This is surely a bigger picture here.
Thinking of you still, j
Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.
Me: 45 - WAH: 36 S8; D6 M: 11 yrs 07/06 Initial Bomb 10/06; D Bomb 11/06 - DBing begun 1/5/07 - H moved out 03/16/07 To date: No papers filed; H not seen a L; trying to convince me to MUTUALLY file for D
Hey, GD, Nomo brings up an excellent point. You're still young enought to date a 19 or 20 year old! For Nomo or I, it would, sigh, just look pathetic
In all seriousness, you sound in a really good place right now. There was nothing wrong for getting your hopes up. Hope and faith are what you were going on. Without that, life's not really worth living. Plus, there is still a chance that she could change her mind.
I am so sorry that you didn't get the results you wanted, but you ARE a better person today than you were 6 months ago.
It will get better,
BD
My latest
Me: 36 W: 35 2 D: 9 and 5 T: 16 years M: 12 10/4/06: Bomb 10/5/06: Ended A 4/22/07: ILYBNILWY
hey man, i know how you feel and understand your statements. but the fact of the matter is your changes have been amazing and you have grown so much. you stated above what you need, so you know what you want, now ask yourself for those wants and go get it. life will move on and somebody will be more than happy to have a guy like you.
keep up the dancing, it gets you out and meeting other singles. enjoy your life and have fun with the kids. i'm so sorry it didn't go the way you wanted or expected but db'ing worked for you. your a great person with a great outlook and perspective. i'm proud of ya.
Last night, after reading about the "talk", I put myself in your W's place to see how it might look.
This is going to sound shallow; One of the "thoughts" I had as your W, is that if I don't get a D now, then I'm back to being in limbo w/ parts of my life, especially financially.
She knows that the offer of sharing the proceeds from the sale of the house is a generous one. If you stop things now, she might not be in that position again.
Maybe she wants to go ahead with it, get in a better position, & then consider a new R with you.
Just a thought, & one that might not make a difference to how you feel today. Thought I'd throw it out there anyway.
, even if she was (or maybe because she was) about 18!
