If you look at my last post I had suspicions that the OM had been my W's promdate back in HS. Spoke to her sister about this and she said this was not the case. That helped put my mind at ease.
So onto the events of the dinner out for her birthday.
We emailed back and forth during the day about plans for the evenening. I hadn't told her where we were going, so she asked me what I thought she should wear. She described what she had worn to work and I suggested that she change into a dress instead. She was okay with this, so I picked out something from her closet to bring for her to change into. Sexy little strapless dress. I really do think I like to torture myself.
Meet at the IL house and then into her car to the restaurant. We went to a new restaurant that does fondue. The dinner went very well. This is one of the things that we love to do, and we always have fun eating out. Talk during dinner was good. Nothing heavy and not much in the way of awkward silences. I probably overstepped the boundaries a couple of times with a touch on the arm or leg, but I have a hard time holding that back. I want the physical connection so much. Anyhow, I thought it was great overall. Great food, great company, romantic atmosphere. If it wasn't for the current situation, I would say it was a slam dunk.
Picked up the kids, got home, put them to bed. We went to bed, no talking. I asked if I could cuddle up with her. She asked me why would I want to do that?
One thorn in my side about the evening. She had left her phone in the car during dinner. When we came out, she checked the phone for messages. I noticed that there was a notification that there was a voice or txt message, but she just closed it up without looking. This immediately got my mind racing. I'm certain that it was from the OM. Why else wouldn't she have checked to see what the message was?
So I've gone from feeling pretty good that there isn't something going on, back to heavily suspecting that this is the root cause of the current situation. So much so that I went back on my pledge to not snoop and checked her phone this morning. There was an outgoing call to him right after she left work for about 9 minutes. There was an incoming call from him only about 20 minutes later for about 11 minutes. She would have hung up the phone just about when she pulled into the driveway to the IL.
So I'm looking for some advice. Do I bury this and try to deal with the suspicion and doubts on my own, or do I confront her about it? In DB, there is a section on infidelity... "Once the affair is out in the open and each spouse is willing to share honestly about unmet needs, the couple can begin to identify areas needing improvement. Frequently, the affair is the jolt the marriage needed to get it out of automatic drive." I've seen a lot of advice from other posters on here to just let it lie and run its course. Don't know what to do.
One other thing... We have a MC session scheduled tonight. She sent me an email yesterday asking if we were going to cancel it. What??? Why would we cancel it? We spoke about it later that night and she said she didn't see any use in going. She didn't want the therapist to try and talk her into some type of sex / intimacy counseling. Told her that we should go at least to work on our relationship in general. How to deal with communication, etc. Whatever way it goes we still need to work on us. She seemed unconvinced. I'm planning on going myself if she still doesn't want to go. I know I need it. Badly.
